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visit to the vet

66gt350

Active Member
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
 

scedd

Well-Known Member
3 dogs, a Doberman, a Boxer and a Labrador are sitting in a vets office and strike up a conversation.

The Doberman turns to the Boxer and asks, what are you here for?
"I'm a pisser", "I piss on everything", the sofa, the cat, the kid but the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owners bed.
So, what is the vet gonna do? the Doberman asks.

"Lethal injection" came the sad reply from the Boxer.

The Doberman turns to the Lab and asked the same question.
"I'm a digger", I dig under fences, I dig up flowers and trees. I dig for the hell of it. When inside I even dig up the carpets, but I went over the limit when I dug a hole in the middle of the owner's couch.
So, what they gonna go to you?

"Lethal injection," replied the Dejected Lab.

The Lab asked the Doberman why he was there.
"I'm a humper. I'll hump anything, I'll hump the cat, pillows, the table, fire hydrants. Whatever. I want to hump everything I see. esterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and bent down to dry her toes and I couldn't help myself and hopped on her back and started humping away.

The Boxer and Lab exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, lethal injection for you too, huh?"

No, No, the Doberman said. "I'm here to get my nails clipped."
 

beach pony

Drunkfest Coordinator
Donator
"scedd" said:
3 dogs, a Doberman, a Boxer and a Labrador are sitting in a vets office and strike up a conversation.

The Doberman turns to the Boxer and asks, what are you here for?
"I'm a pisser", "I piss on everything", the sofa, the cat, the kid but the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owners bed.
So, what is the vet gonna do? the Doberman asks.

"Lethal injection" came the sad reply from the Boxer.

The Doberman turns to the Lab and asked the same question.
"I'm a digger", I dig under fences, I dig up flowers and trees. I dig for the hell of it. When inside I even dig up the carpets, but I went over the limit when I dug a hole in the middle of the owner's couch.
So, what they gonna go to you?

"Lethal injection," replied the Dejected Lab.

The Lab asked the Doberman why he was there.
"I'm a humper. I'll hump anything, I'll hump the cat, pillows, the table, fire hydrants. Whatever. I want to hump everything I see. esterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and bent down to dry her toes and I couldn't help myself and hopped on her back and started humping away.

The Boxer and Lab exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, lethal injection for you too, huh?"

No, No, the Doberman said. "I'm here to get my nails clipped."


:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
"Fast68back" said:
:lol :lol :lol

Forwarded to the GF, dogs been humping her leg lately...


and yet you're still around :eek:mg
 

scedd

Well-Known Member
Reminds me of the time a mate and his missus had a blue and she said to him
"The day they invent a vibrator that can mow the lawn, youre out of here"
 
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