scedd
Well-Known Member
Q. What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs ???......
A. A clit around the ear and a flap across the face
GRANDMA and Grandpa were watching a church service on the TV. The evangelist called all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on it and put her left hand on her arthritic shoulder, which was giving her great pain. Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.
Grandma scowled at him and said, “You just don't get it, do you? The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead.�
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place
where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the
father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that
I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery???'.
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and g-string knickers.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.
The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.
The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.
When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves, as he is "having company for dinner."
As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread,
one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.
After many trips she is tired and irritated, and begins to wonder, "why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"
Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.
Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.
Thinking that she can save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man,
"Is it raisin for you too?"
"No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little."
I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
A. A clit around the ear and a flap across the face
GRANDMA and Grandpa were watching a church service on the TV. The evangelist called all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on it and put her left hand on her arthritic shoulder, which was giving her great pain. Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.
Grandma scowled at him and said, “You just don't get it, do you? The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead.�
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place
where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the
father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that
I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery???'.
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and g-string knickers.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.
The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.
The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.
When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves, as he is "having company for dinner."
As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread,
one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.
After many trips she is tired and irritated, and begins to wonder, "why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"
Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.
Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.
Thinking that she can save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man,
"Is it raisin for you too?"
"No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little."
I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
