a couple of jokes

[scedd]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

*****************


A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?'
Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
****************



Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'
Billy says, 'Wimbledon.'
****************


Wife gets naked & asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

Hubby looks her up & down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!
***************



An elderly couple are attending Mass.

About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'

He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

 

[Anonymous]

:rofl :rofl

 

[70_Fastback]

Those are good! :good

 

[blown66]

The Woman Marine Pilot

>

> The Woman Marine Pilot

>

> The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

>

> The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Jamie was left.

>

> “Jamie, do you have a story to share?'

>

> ''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

>

> She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ‘til the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.�

>

> ''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?�

>

> "Don’t f--- with Mommy when she's been drinking"





Thats funny right there :lol I give that Mommy a :10

 

[Anonymous]

:lol :lol