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America's favorite national pastime: HATING SOCCER

Mach1Mark

Ramrod extraordinaire
Donator
This is EXACTLY how I feel about world cup soccer (or soccer in general) . . .
mdc

by Ann Coulter
June 25, 2014

http://townhall.com/columnists/anncoult ... r-n1855817

I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade -- or about the length of the average soccer game -- so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay.

(1) Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls -- all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks. In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms." Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.

(2) Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.

(3) No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored. Even in football, by which I mean football, there are very few scoreless ties -- and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.

(4) The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national gameBaseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game -- and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.

(5) You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!

(6) I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating. I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is.

(7) It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly heckling Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.

(8) Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine. Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles. Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?

(9) Soccer is not "catching on." Headlines this week proclaimed "Record U.S. ratings for World Cup," and we had to hear -- again -- about the "growing popularity of soccer in the United States." The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.) Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.

Remember when the media tried to foist British soccer star David Beckham and his permanently camera-ready wife on us a few years ago? Their arrival in America was heralded with 24-7 news coverage. That lasted about two days. Ratings tanked. No one cared. If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.
 
Now that was a funny read. And also perfectly true.

Aside from our recently immigrated Latino population, NO ONE plays soccer other than the 6-10 year old set. And even they quickly get the hell away from it as soon as they are old enough to play "real" sports. My oldest boy was forced to play for a year (his mother). I couldn't stand it. They didn't keep score...when and if there ever was a goal...and no winners were ever declared for a game. The kids ran around a bit and then they ate orange slices and sipped on juice boxes. They could care less about the game.
Secretly got him signed up for pee-wee football shortly thereafter and everything changed. He learned about team play and individual effort. He experienced the joy of winning and the heartbreak of defeat. And he loved it all. So did I. Weekend youth games and tournaments. High school years brought the excitement of Friday Night Lights. If only the little dummy would have taken one of the college offers and continued to play. Oh well, little brother starts his first season in a few weeks. :yah
 
At my office, they ran the cable feed to the 25' projection screen in the training room and bought in BBQ and beer.
 
That was written by a person that has no idea of the complexity or knowledge of the game. I can bring up areas that are incorrect on almost all of the points. That is until I stopped reading it. It felt like I was reading from the Huffington Post for a minute.

I have played soccer for over 35 years and love the game. I have been told by knee surgeons to find another hobby but I can't find one that fits the desire. I find most people who don't like soccer have never touched a soccer ball and have no idea what is going on. If you watch the ball and nothing else it is boing to watch. Kind of like golf. But if you pay attention to the strategy and the movement going on you will begin to appreciate the effort it takes.

If you still don't get it then STFU and let the rest of us enjoy it for a month every 4 years. LOL! :ns
 
Played soccer, hated it.
Played basketball, hated it.
Played baseball, blew out my knew. Said the hell with it.
Played football, was used as the ball since I'm not a walking land mass like everyone else was on the team.
Took up shooting things. Better results.
 
While in HS, before the youth soccer craze hit the U.S., I had a German national as teacher for my German language class. He was obviously a huge fan of the game and organized some games on the weekends. Since he was cool, and I young and impressionable, I participated. It should be known I played many other sports as well so I had comparison perspectives available. In a word, I found it boring.

I understand like all team sports there are roles to be filled and strategy and plays to make. It doesn't change the fact the game is BORING. The field is huge relative to the number of players on it making the action...and there is very little in the overall scheme...for the viewing fan nil. Sure guys are running all over and their endurance is amazing but at the end of the day nothing exciting happens. Televised golf is mesmerizing in comparison.

Compare it to ice hockey. I know its not fair but they are very similar games. You see non-stop action. Speed. Skill. And above all, a goal now and again. But even when there is no scoring it is still exciting. Guys flopping about pretending to be hurt is what you get in soccer. Pro soccer players would shit their little shorts if they had seen Jack Youngblood continue to play on a broken leg. Or Ronnie Lott and his mangled finger. Pansies.

Wait a few more years when the NFL finally puts a team or two in England. Given time it will rival soccer in popularity (at least with the younger crowd).
 
Unlike some of my northern cuckoos; hockey, soccer, golf and basketball bore me to death. The only "real" sports are the ones where you may very well die...auto racing, skydiving, free rock climbing & lion training.

So there...take that you sudo sports lovers!
 
I worded it so the low info voters could understand


Mark

Sent from my semi-smart phone
 
If you think soccer isn't a physical game you may want to think about it again. The likelihood of having a concussion is highest is women's soccer follow closely by men's soccer. Ahead of football, hockey, rugby and all other sports.

Come to think of it, maybe I have had one too many concussions and that is what is wrong with me. ;)


Darreld
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
One last thing. How many other sports do people try to eat you?


Darreld
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
And what's wrong with munching on a soccer player?

soccer_players_shoot_08.jpg
 
"68EFIvert" said:
If you think soccer isn't a physical game you may want to think about it again. The likelihood of having a concussion is highest is women's soccer follow closely by men's soccer. Ahead of football, hockey, rugby and all other sports.
I don't doubt that one bit. The players are surely falling asleep from boredom and striking their heads when they hit the ground. :pbj
 
Ice hockey is faster with basically the same theory of playing....and they get to hit each other and fight. What's not to like?
 
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