Construction Definitions
Contractor: A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut, or deal.
Bid Opening: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Low Bidder: A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Engineer's Estimate: The cost of construction in Heaven.
Project Manager: The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path Method: A management technique for losing your shirt while being in perfect control.
OSHA: A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs, and baloney---usually applied at random with a shotgun.
Strike: An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed Payment: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion Date: The point at which liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated Damages: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Auditor: Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.
Lawyer: Person who goes in after the Auditor to strip the bodies.
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Contractor: A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut, or deal.
Bid Opening: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Low Bidder: A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Engineer's Estimate: The cost of construction in Heaven.
Project Manager: The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path Method: A management technique for losing your shirt while being in perfect control.
OSHA: A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs, and baloney---usually applied at random with a shotgun.
Strike: An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed Payment: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion Date: The point at which liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated Damages: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Auditor: Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.
Lawyer: Person who goes in after the Auditor to strip the bodies.
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