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Different Types of sex joke

FordDude

FordDude

Well-Known Dude
Staff member
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Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
*This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
*This is when you have been with your partner or a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
*This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
*This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the Hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
*Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
*This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
*You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself.

fd
 
Wow, I'm only up to #2 on list!

















Believe that and I've got some old Monet pictures I'd like to sell you.
 
As of right now, the wife is stuck on "I want a baby by next week, so drop your damn drawers" sex. I've got this suspicion that after that's accomplished, she'll jump straight to #5. So yea...next year there could be a babypithecus. Totally not complaining right now though.
 
"Gigantopithecus" said:
As of right now, the wife is stuck on "I want a baby by next week, so drop your damn drawers" sex. I've got this suspicion that after that's accomplished, she'll jump straight to #5. So yea...next year there could be a babypithecus. Totally not complaining right now though.
Click to expand...

Make sure you do a good job otherwise this could be you -

A man and a pregnant woman visit their doctor to see how the baby is coming along.
While there, the doctor mentions that they have made a new treatment that allows a female to transfer the pain of childbearing onto the father of the baby.
The couple decide that it is a good plan, so they hook up the mother and the doctor turns on the machine.
"I'll start it off on 10% transfer rate.", the doctor says.
"I don't feel anything painful at all.", the man says. "Oh yeah, baby! That's great!", the mother says.
"That's odd", the doctor says, "I'll crank it up to 50%". "Still nothing...", the man says. The mother's smile gets even bigger.
"Okay, I'll put it on 100% then.", the doctor says. "STILL nothing!", the man says.
The woman looks very, very happy. "We'll just leave, this isn't working. I mean, it is for her, not for me though.", the man says. "That's fine. I'd say you're a very lucky man.
This is the first time that the pain has just been deleted.", the doctor replies.
So the couple goes back home and they walk up to the front door of their house.

The milkman is lying there dead.
 
"Gigantopithecus" said:
As of right now, the wife is stuck on "I want a baby by next week, so drop your damn drawers" sex. I've got this suspicion that after that's accomplished, she'll jump straight to #5. So yea...next year there could be a babypithecus. Totally not complaining right now though.
Click to expand...

#5 is right. Get it while you can.
 
Jamie, good luck on getting pregnant. Hopefully it won't get to the "I've got to do it at this particular moment and moon phase" scenario.
 
"blue65coupe" said:
Jamie, good luck on getting pregnant. Hopefully it won't get to the "I've got to do it at this particular moment and moon phase" scenario.
Click to expand...

It's almost at that point. She spend stupid amounts of money on ovulation and pregnancy tests, programs that track all kinds of shit I don't understand. I told my mother about it since she's been harassing me about grandkids. Her response "What ever happened to getting drunk and goin' at it?"
 
My wife and I went through all that shortly after we got married. Never did get it sorted out and finally said if it is meant to be, so be it. After a couple of surgery bouts on the wifes side, the doc said for sure it will happen. Never did. We have never used any birth control and never became pregnant even on the sex on demand ticket (good reason to leave work on a military doctors excuse). I have a son from my first marriage, she has a daughter from her first marriage, so we know the systems worked. We did adopt a boy after being married 6 years. Still on the sex on demand system btw.....lol
 
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