Failure As A Gearhead Parent!

[Ponyman66]

As the title says, well I realized today, that's me! While I was watching some of the latest videos on Jay Leno's Garage tonight I made this discovery. One of them was about the Collectors Foundation and what they're doing to help preserve old car skills with younger folks. During the conversation Jay Leno made a comment about how many kids today don't have basic automotive skills or knowledge due to the way things have changed. He used an example of one of his shop interns being asked to get a phillips head screwdriver. The kid didn't know what it was. Jay said he kinda laughed, but realized that teaching a lot of the kids today has to start at the very basic level. He went on to say the kid have never been around tools because his father didn't really have tools. The kid just never learned. WOW! That hit me like a ton of bricks!

The reason it hit me so hard was I DO have tools, tons of them! I've always been a car guy (even did it professionally for awhile), my dad was a car guy, his dad, etc. I've tried through the years to get my son interested in wrenching on cars, but he really just never developed an interest. Okay, so be it. Just yesterday I asked him to run into my garage and grab a pair of channel lock pliers for me. He came back with them AND a pipe wrench! He then asked which one it was. Understand that my son is 20, but he honestly didn't know. I poked a little fun at him and then told him what each tool was.

After seeing that video tonight I realized, it wasn't his fault....it was MINE! I went into his room and told him about the video. I also apologized to him, not only for poking fun at him yesterday, but also for failing to ever teach him. Since he has to work tomorrow I told him that on Sunday when I got home from work we'd take some time to go out to my garage. We're going to go over the tools in my garage, teaching him what they are. He actually sound excited about doing it (which pleasantly surprised me!).

While I've failed miserably to date, fortunately there's time to fix it! I felt like a total schmuck as a dad! Lesson learned that I figured I'd pass along. Don't ever assume that your kids automatically know even the most basic gearhead stuff because that's what all of us are into. It may also be the reason why he never caught the car bug! Wish me luck with the tool lessons!

 

[RapidRabbit]

That doesn't make you a failure as a parent.

My dad was a car guy and I had 3 brothers and 2 sisters.
Out of all of them I am the only one who got interested in cars or had an knowledge of tools. They were into sports and had no interest in any of that other stuff. You can try to teach them but they have to want to learn.
Now that all my brothers and sisters are older they have started to learn how to use tools out of necessity for fixing things in their houses and building swing sets and such.

I am trying to get our little girl into cars and I want her to at least know how to use basic tools. She is 1 and has her own Handy Manny tool box already. Every time I work on something with her around she gets her little tools and tries to help.
But she may not take an interest when she gets older.

 

[Mach1ne]

Very good topic. This is one of my "soap box" discussions I bring up at my work. At work it is a topic of who will will be your successor. The younger workers have not worked with the older equipment that we have been exposed to. They do not have any basic troubleshooting skills because they are used to having someone else do it for them. They don't even seem to have any motivation to learn. I just keep doing the work myself.

This goes along with their parents not teaching them anything. While these kids were being hauled to baseball games, soccer, etc., I was being hauled to the barn to work on tractors, combines, and dozers.

My dad used to just tell me what the problem was and then he would go off to get field work done. It was up to me to figure it out from there. He would say to have it fixed when he got back.

One of my best examples was that my dad sank our D8 Dozer in a four foot ditch and threw a track at the same time. He left me with a tractor, a 40 ton jack, and a chain and said fix it. It took me four full days to dig one side out, jack it up, separate the track, pull the track back on, and put it back together.

No better way to learn something.

Time to get your kids involved.

 

[Kats66Pny]

I try to teach my kids things so they at least have some idea of tools, and basic car stuff (tire changing, oil changes, etc). My son shows more interest than my daughter, but she still knows some basics.

He's just so damn cute! :bowdown

 

[Anonymous]

My parents had a diff type of problem with me growing up. I was the weird kid who would disassemble everything just to see how it worked and then try to put it all back together again and make it work. Sometimes a did it and sometimes it was a miserable failure.

I'm still that way today. Give me something that is broken and I'll be 100 times more interested in fixing it.

My brother on the other hand doesn't know which end of a screwdriver does what. I once found him a T-shirt from the "Far Side" that showed a teacher at a blackboard explaining tools. It was "The School for the Mechanically Declined" :yah

 

[Jack1966]

I only have the one daughter--now in her 30s. As a preteen/teen, I taught her how to change oil, check fluids, minor car maintenance items, and the like. After college, she became a corporate bigshot. One afternoon, I was called out of a meeting by our admin asst because my daughter called with an emergency. She was in another state on business, 1100 miles away with a flat tire. As we change the flat together over the phone, I thought too I had failed as dad.

But now, thinking about all the calls I've gotten as "its your daughter," I don't feel such a failure. Sure, most of the calls started with "what's wrong, what's the problem?" But, there was the call about the big promotion, the we're in love call, the we're engaged call, and all the other calls that started with "I just had to call you, dad."

Success as a dad, is measured many ways.

 

[DEL65]

All is not lost. My wife's girlfriend is a single mom with an 8 y/o son. He has a natural interest in mechanics and love's Mustangs. Last time I saw the little guy he asked, "Will you teach me how to work on cars?" It was the coolest thing I've heard in a long time. I can't wait to show him some of the fundamentals. Hopefully when I'm old and decrepit, he'll be able to wrench on my car.

Meanwhile, my 20 y/o nephew, claims to like cars but I never see him work on his 69 Lemans project or late model pick up truck. I've offered to show him the basics: oil change, carb swap, install a stereo; not interested. Baffling.

 

[tarafied1]

interesting topic. My oldest son is doing an apprenticeship at a rod and custom shop, younger two have been around me as a gearhead also but are much less interested. My youngest is into band (I can't even play the radio!) and my middle son wants to be in one of the branches of the military. They all know the basics and will help me but I don't think it's all up to the parent. When I was little I was my dad's shadow. I'm sure I was a PIA but he would spend the time with me and he taught me by NOT telling me the answers. He would ask me questions to make me think of the answer. Anyway, I don't try to force my kids to be involved. If they show interest I will work with them. I have learned to enjoy some of the things they like that I may not have otherwise been interested in. I wouldn't say you failed. Not all kids are going to be gearheads.

 

[Ponyman66]

Thanks to everyone. I guess I should have been a little more clear when I said I had failed as a gearhead parent. I didn't put enough emphasis on the gearhead part. A handful of SF folks have met my son at the annual MBB. Heck, he's been to every one! He's a good kid and I'm proud of him. He works hard and displays values my wife and have taught both are kids. He hasn't really figured out where he wants to go in life yet, but it's his choice. I'm really proud of both of my kids actually. My daughter, who is the oldest, graduates from Carolina (USC) in three weeks with a BS in biology (pre-med). She's also been accepted into the sports medicine post grad program at the Citadel. She had a little problem with her MCATS last year so she's doing post grad to continue on towards her goal of eventually getting into med school.

Have I failed as a parent in general, honestly, I don't think so. What I intended was that I had dropped the ball when it comes specifically to gearhead stuff. It's pretty embarrassing when you are as much into cars as I've always been, but my son doesn't know basic tools! YIKES! He floats back and forth between being interested in car stuff and then not caring. So be it,that's his choice. I was picking on him one day about buying him a car. I showed him a '59 Nash Metropolitan and said that would be his first car. Much to my surprise, he liked. Hey Mikey!

We've always offered our kids advice and encouragement, but let them decide what they want to do with their lives and interests. Okay, there is a limit. If they were interested in robbing banks or smokin' dope, sorry, no dice! :no Seriously though, like KAT, we've never pushed them into things. Guess tomorrow should be pretty interesting. Additionally, nothing like some good old fashion father/son time...no matter how old they are! :thu

 

[DEL65]

Additionally, when my wife was 10 y/o, my father-in-law taught her how to make him martinis. Now that's a useful skill.

 

[jpyoung]

I was helping my daughters friend, (who happens to be a lesbian,) hang pictures in her new home. She was standing next to me holding the picture and I was holding the wire that was going to secure it. I told my daughter to get me the dikes and she replied she's standing right next to you. She may not be tool savvy, but at least she's got a sense of humour!

 

[Horseplay]

My parents had a diff type of problem with me growing up. I was the weird kid who would disassemble everything just to see how it worked and then try to put it all back together again and make it work. Sometimes a did it and sometimes it was a miserable failure.

I'm still that way today. Give me something that is broken and I'll be 100 times more interested in fixing it.

My brother on the other hand doesn't know which end of a screwdriver does what. I once found him a T-shirt from the "Far Side" that showed a teacher at a blackboard explaining tools. It was "The School for the Mechanically Declined" :yah

+1

My oldest son, despite everything I do to get him interested in cars, carpentry, etc. just can't seem to stay attached. I find this very strange as this is how I love to spend every free minute and he and I are so alike in personality. I blame his mother.
The little guy? Takes everything apart. Pretty adept at getting it back together too. All may not be lost.

 

[Mach1ne]

Additionally, when my wife was 10 y/o, my father-in-law taught her how to make him martinis. Now that's a useful skill.

My formal training at age 6 was Scotch and water. We were also trained to make smoked oysters on buttered toast.

Parents would probably get sent to jail for teaching bartender skills to a six year old these days.