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florida jokes

scedd

scedd

Well-Known Member
A new law was recently passed in Florida . When a couple gets a divorce they're still brother and sister.
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Mrs Midlife was having a heart attack and Mid called 911. The 911 operator told Mid that
she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Mid replied, "At the end of Esperanza Court in Zeehan."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Mid said, " if I drag her over
to Kay Street, can you pick her up from there?"
 
A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club. One day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. A big hairy bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. "She proclaims, "I want to join your club."

The guy was amused, but explains that she needs to meet certain criteria biker requirements in order to join the club. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?" The... little old lady replies, "Yep, my bike's parked over there," and pointed to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.

The biker asks, "Do you drink?". The little Old lady replies, "Yep, drink like a fish...beer mostly, whiskey when I'm shooting pool. I'll drink everyone in your club under the table."

The biker is surprised but then asks, "Do you smoke?". The little Old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least 2 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and cigars when I'm drinking whiskey and shooting pool."

The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz....?"






The Little Old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times......"
 
Midlife rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' says Mid, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'
 
Last night Midlife reached for his liquid viagra and accidently swigged from a bottle of Liquid Paper.
He woke this morning with a huge correction.
 
Two buddies, Fred and Midlife, were getting very drunk at a bar when
suddenly Midlife throws up all over himself.
'Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!'


Fred says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast
pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you
twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.'
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.


Eventually Midlife stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.
'You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God,
you're disgusting!'


Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Midlife says,
Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jewthink. I only
had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got sick on me...he had one
too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor He said he's was berry
sorry an' gave me twenties bucks for the cleaning bill!'


His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty bucks...'


'Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.'
 
Midlife and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.
"Did you smell that food, it smelt incredible?" she said.
Being the nice guy I am, Midlife thought "Bugger, I'll treat her!"



So they walked past it again!
 
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Florida?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Florida?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
 
"RapidRabbit" said:
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Florida?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Florida?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Click to expand...
:thu :yah :yah :yah :thu
 
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