O
opentrackerSteve
Guest
Here are two pieces of info, one unauthored, the other, quotes from celebs.
ONLY A TRUE GOLFER WILL UNDERSTAND THESE:
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out,
you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear
and top a ball halfway there.
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious
motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors
Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.
It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt. For a 10.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to
make fun of his own haircut.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts
It's not a gimme if you're still 5 feet away.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes
directly through the center of a very large tree.
You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning
of the next group of three.
When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly
the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to
restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. This is true, I know !!!
If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his
handicap; I.e., back-swing 20 mph , handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.
One of my personal favorites: There are two things you can learn by stopping your
back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have,
and which one is wearing the glove.
Hazards attract; fairways repel. Keep this in mind
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls
are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint
It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the lawn
A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.
Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.
A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are....that's why I get so
many calls to play with friends
If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.
Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you
need to buy fresh ones each week.
It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots,
repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he
probably shot an eight (or worse).
It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon.
On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs
and fart, if you are performing Brain Surgery!!!!
#2: Celeb quotes
The greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
~ Sam Snead
I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.
~ George Brett
Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that.
~ Jim Murray
The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie..
~ Mickey Mantle
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them
~ Kevin Costner
I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par..
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
~ Brian Weis
Swing hard in case you hit it.
~ Dan Marino
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
~ Lord Robertson
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
~ Jack Benny
There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.
~ Ben Hogan
Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best
~ Jack Nicklaus
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law.
~ H G Wells
I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.
~ Billy Graham
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf..
~ Bob Hope
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
~ Henny Youngman
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball..
~ Jack Lemmon
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work..
~ Lee Trevino
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
~ Lee Trevino
ONLY A TRUE GOLFER WILL UNDERSTAND THESE:
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out,
you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear
and top a ball halfway there.
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious
motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors
Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.
It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt. For a 10.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to
make fun of his own haircut.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts
It's not a gimme if you're still 5 feet away.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes
directly through the center of a very large tree.
You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning
of the next group of three.
When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly
the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to
restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. This is true, I know !!!
If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his
handicap; I.e., back-swing 20 mph , handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.
One of my personal favorites: There are two things you can learn by stopping your
back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have,
and which one is wearing the glove.
Hazards attract; fairways repel. Keep this in mind
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls
are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint
It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the lawn
A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.
Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.
A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are....that's why I get so
many calls to play with friends
If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.
Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you
need to buy fresh ones each week.
It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots,
repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he
probably shot an eight (or worse).
It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon.
On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs
and fart, if you are performing Brain Surgery!!!!
#2: Celeb quotes
The greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
~ Sam Snead
I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.
~ George Brett
Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that.
~ Jim Murray
The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie..
~ Mickey Mantle
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them
~ Kevin Costner
I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par..
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
~ Brian Weis
Swing hard in case you hit it.
~ Dan Marino
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
~ Lord Robertson
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
~ Jack Benny
There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.
~ Ben Hogan
Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best
~ Jack Nicklaus
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law.
~ H G Wells
I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.
~ Billy Graham
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf..
~ Bob Hope
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
~ Henny Youngman
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball..
~ Jack Lemmon
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work..
~ Lee Trevino
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
~ Lee Trevino
