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How does one get rid of a leech???

blu67

blu67

Well-Known Member
...and I mean my wife....
She had a job interview on Friday, postponed it to Monday (because she was hungover) then blew it off on Monday because she was hungover...
She hasn't had a job for almost a year, she wants a divorce (which I am now willing to agree to.) but she won't do anything but drink herself into a stupor and sleep. Can't get her to do anything productive. I also can't throw the mother of my two kids out into the street with no money, no place to go and no prospects.........
I'm just stuck with a drunk who won't get a move on with this shit.
I went and got a separate bank account today and talked to a divorce attorney who gave me some excellent advice that I will follow through with but it doesn't help my present situation.
She brought the split up on me. I tried to say we can work things out. She didn't want to. She won't leave and I feel taken advantage of now but also feel a sense of responsibility for her as she is still my wife and has been for 12 years. Adding another homeless person to the streets of LA is not a good idea.....
Sigh...
 
Why should she leave when you are providing a roof+ for her. Sometimes you have to just do something you feel is not right....and move on. I would bet if turned around, you would be living in the car.
 
Chris, if she is doing this in front of the kids you dont have much choice. You need to do whats best for you and the kids.
 
I agree with Pete. It may be hard, but if she wants the divorce then maybe you need to push her out. The easier she has it , the harder it will be on you.

If the shoe was on the other foot, what do you think she would do?

Sent from my Desire HD using Tapatalk
 
Sounds to me she's giving up her "parental" rights. I hear you saying that you can't boot her out, but how much crap are you willing to take?

She wants the divorce, let her feel the consequences of her actions. Time to move on cause you only get one trip through this life...no do overs. I really feel bad for you Chris, she's put you in a very bad situation. It's no longer your responsibility to take care of her.

Keep in mind, I'm a cold hearted ba$tard and have no sypathy for those that won't help themselves.
 
Chris, I have been following your plight since you first posted about here. But the one thing I have not read is how is she getting her alcohol? I does cost money. You are giving her a roof over her head and food I assume. But that should be it, do not give her any money period end of story. I am not necessarily saying to be mean to her, you just do not have to be nice. Set rules, in by a certain time, out of bed when you leave for work. She is staying because she wants to, make her want to leave. Just my 2 cents.

fd
 
One last try and get her dry. Then if that works good. Otherwise, DONE.
 
She has sold some jewelry for money and she took money out of our joint account before I could get a new account set up (which I have now)
I think that I am going to go to the courthouse on Thursday and file for the divorce. According to the attorney I spoke to, filing creates an instant legal separation and if I ask for it, which I will, 100% custody over the kids. She can contest but she would have to bring it up through the courts. In CA there is a "cooling off period" of 6mo. before a divorce can be finalized. The thing that worries me is the fact that I would have to pay support and I barely have enough for the boys and I. Guess I would have to bring that up to the judge.
Your all right...as long as there is a roof over her head, she will stay. It worked out well that she could pick the kids up from school and watch them while I worked but now if she is sleeping when she is supposed to be watching them, I have to afford some sort of after school care.
Just too much costs and not enough money.
Also found out that I can't drop her from my health insurance until we are divorced which through my job is pretty damn expensive. Just wish I could drop it all and say bye bye. I need a new start and an opportunity to take a breath and not worry so much.
 
Chris,Very sorry you are going thru all this crap. Wish I could click my heels together 3 times and make it all go away for you.
 
You and me both, Craig.
It'll end in due time but I want it to happen sooner rather than go through all this as well as put my kids through this. The 6 year old is not as up as to what is going on but my 8 year old (read: 20 year old) is kind of getting sick of the way mommy is acting and always being "sick". He's going to be the hardest hit when we tell him we are divorcing but too much more of this and he's going to kick her out himself.... (unfortunately he wants to believe the best from his mom and dad but that's what kids are supposed to do, right...)
 
I feel for ya Chris; though my situation was not exactly like yours, the final outcome is the same.

Do what's best for YOU and you KIDS. They are what matters now. I agree with what everone else has said above. And definetly file FIRST - it's in your best interest.
 
Rule number one is you cannot help a drunk unless they want help but you can be guilty of continuing to enable them.

Often if a drunk or addict doesn't have a reason to change they won't until they hit rock bottom.

It's a hard choice but honestly you might be doing her a favor in the long run if you give her a "slap in the face" so to speak of reality.

My aunt was married to a serious drunk guy for a bunch of years when my cousin was young. He would do "ok" for a while then go on binge and disappear for several days and when he returned he wouldn't remember where he had been due to being a black out type drinker.

My aunt enabled him for a long time but finally one morning she woke up and he hadn't come home for a couple of days. When she woke up she said it dawned on her she didn't love him anymore and was tired of enabling him and she realized he was never going to change without some serious motivation to change. She woke up, put some coffee on and called the lock smith. It took him a few years after that but he finally hit bottom and sobered up. Last I heard he had gotten back on his feet and was doing ok.
 
Sorry about it all Chris. As was said you need to be firm and get her gone. Nothing will change until you do. Make sure your lawyer knows all that is happening. Hate to see her petition for the kids and get them.
 
Chris, its going on ten years that my son has lived with me, he was three when his mom and I split up. I would not change a thing. Its much better for kids to see two happy parents in two separate houses than two unhappy parents in the same house. Divorce sucks, everyone thinks it will never happen to them, but its more common now than ever. It sucks that its the easy way out, but it is. Kids are resilient, they understand and I would bet most of their friends parents are divorced or single parents.

We're here for ya buddy.
 
Finally did it and called her parents. I didn't want to as it will probably make things worse with us (how much worse can it get, right) but my hope is that her mom can talk some sense into her and get her up and to a rehab and on the bandwagon to getting on with her life. She HAS to do this for our kids. I can see the older one already being affected by her "illness". Her mom gets here on Friday night. She's a drama queen but she loves her daughter and hopefully my wife will be embarrassed enough with her mother to stop doing what she is doing and get the help she needs.
In the meantime, I'm filing for divorce in the courthouse tomorrow to get the process started. Might be the kick she needs....and might make things worse. Not my concern. My kids are my concern. I have to move on.
Thanks, guys.
I have great kids.......and they have a great mother....when she's sober....
 
I hate to hear this for ya man but as mentioned, you have to do what's best for your kids. My thoughts and prayers are with your family man. You are gonna have to be the support and foundation for the kids...period.
 
Just make darn sure that you document her drunken ways.

Honestly, you are nicer then I am. I'd look at a divorce as a war and be interested in custody of the kids (for obvious reasons) and wouldn't be overly concerned about her welfare at a minimum until after the custody issue was resolved.
 
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