HOW TO INSTALL A REDNECK HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

[cmayna]

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of size 14--16 men's work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:



"Bubba,

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and
messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

 

[70 StangMan]

"Bubba,

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and
messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

Pretty good diction for a redneck.

 

[Gigantopithecus]

Pretty good diction for a redneck.

That's how you can tell it wasn't written by a redneck. Probably some poofter in San Fran wrote it.

 

[AzPete]

Most likely wouldn't have to buy any of that stuff as you can probably use Mama's things.........

 

[Flysure1]

I wouldn't have had to leave the house---