Outside a Church in Boston a young boy is weeping, and an old lady approaches him and says, "What's wrong, honey?" The little boy replies between sobs, "My Grandma passed away this morning." "I'm so sorry to hear this," says the kind old lady. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley?" "No," replies the boy. "Sex is the last thing I have in mind."
Q. What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
A. Male fraud.
A woman, who had been married and divorced twice, went on a hunting trip to South Africa. In the course of the journey into the wilds, her safari group came across some cannibals. The balance of the crew told her, "You're OK, but we must leave -- immediately!" She inquired as to why she was OK, if the rest of them had to run for their lives. The leader of the safari responded, "Cannibals learned years ago not to eat divorced women. They are always too bitter."
Q. What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A. Bo has papers.
Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work. "Guess what, mate," says the first IT guy. "Yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar."
"What did you do?" says the other IT guy. "Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off." "You're kidding me!" says the second guy. "I took her miniskirt off, then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop." "Really? You got a new laptop?"
Q. Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
A. He found a hare up his ass.
Three honeymooning couples find themselves in adjacent rooms in a hotel. As they are getting undressed, the first man says to his wife, "What huge buttocks!" Much offended, she threw him into the corridor. The second man, also undressing, says to his wife, "Christ! What huge breasts!" She is also greatly offended and throws him out into the corridor. Several minutes later, the third newlywed husband arrives in the corridor as well. The other two ask, "What happened? Did you put your foot in it?" "No, but I could have!" the third man replied.
I asked my missus if we could try the Chilean Miner position the other night. She asked if that was the one where she goes deep down my shaft and stays there until she needs to come up for air? I told her no, it's the one where she fucks off and I don't see her for 4 months.
Q. What's the definition of eternity?
A. The time between when you cum and she leaves.
Q. Why do women have orgasms?
A. It gives them another reason to moan.
The trouble with finding your perfect soul mate is that she would probably want to get married, then four weeks after the wedding you would meet another perfect soul mate... with bigger tits.
At Obama's last speech, he stood behind three-foot thick bulletproof glass. Now, I thought that was little much... just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anybody.
My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
It's Take Your Dog to Work Day. Or as they call it in China, 'Bring Your Own Lunch Day'.
I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous! I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can." I said, "I think my dick tastes funny..."
The latest telephone poll taken by the Florida Governor's office asked whether people who live in Florida think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 29% responded, "Yes, it is a serious problem." 71% responded, "No es una problema seriosa."
Q. How many Muslim extremists will it take to destroy America?
A. None, TSA can do it all by themselves, thank you very much.
Q. What do you say to a Pakistani at Christmas?
A. A quart of milk, a loaf of bread and a pack of Marlboros please.
Q. What's the difference between a gay and a dead horse?
A. It's no fun beating a dead horse.
Q. Why do mostMuslim Midlifes rapes go unreported?
A. Goats can't testify.
:shee
Q. How long may you look at a Muslim with one eye closed?
A. Until the magazine is empty.
Q. What do you call a beautiful woman in Pakistan?
A. A tourist.
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. Twenty years later you'll want a club and a spade.
Q. How many gay men does it take to put in a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it takes an entire emergency room staff to get it out.
Q. What's the difference between two dicks and a joke?
A. Your wife can't take a joke.
Q. What's the difference between boy scouts and Jews?
A. Boy scouts come back from camp.
Q. How do they measure the performance of gas chambers?
A. Killajews per second.
Q. How do you get a Jewish girl's number?
A. Pull up her sleeve.
Two pedophiles were sitting on a park bench. A 6 year old girl comes skipping by.. The first pedophiles says, "Christ look at the body on that." To which the other replies "Yeah. I bet she was really something in her day."
Q. What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
A. Male fraud.
A woman, who had been married and divorced twice, went on a hunting trip to South Africa. In the course of the journey into the wilds, her safari group came across some cannibals. The balance of the crew told her, "You're OK, but we must leave -- immediately!" She inquired as to why she was OK, if the rest of them had to run for their lives. The leader of the safari responded, "Cannibals learned years ago not to eat divorced women. They are always too bitter."
Q. What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A. Bo has papers.
Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work. "Guess what, mate," says the first IT guy. "Yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar."
"What did you do?" says the other IT guy. "Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off." "You're kidding me!" says the second guy. "I took her miniskirt off, then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop." "Really? You got a new laptop?"
Q. Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
A. He found a hare up his ass.
Three honeymooning couples find themselves in adjacent rooms in a hotel. As they are getting undressed, the first man says to his wife, "What huge buttocks!" Much offended, she threw him into the corridor. The second man, also undressing, says to his wife, "Christ! What huge breasts!" She is also greatly offended and throws him out into the corridor. Several minutes later, the third newlywed husband arrives in the corridor as well. The other two ask, "What happened? Did you put your foot in it?" "No, but I could have!" the third man replied.
I asked my missus if we could try the Chilean Miner position the other night. She asked if that was the one where she goes deep down my shaft and stays there until she needs to come up for air? I told her no, it's the one where she fucks off and I don't see her for 4 months.
Q. What's the definition of eternity?
A. The time between when you cum and she leaves.
Q. Why do women have orgasms?
A. It gives them another reason to moan.
The trouble with finding your perfect soul mate is that she would probably want to get married, then four weeks after the wedding you would meet another perfect soul mate... with bigger tits.
At Obama's last speech, he stood behind three-foot thick bulletproof glass. Now, I thought that was little much... just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anybody.
My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
It's Take Your Dog to Work Day. Or as they call it in China, 'Bring Your Own Lunch Day'.
I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous! I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can." I said, "I think my dick tastes funny..."
The latest telephone poll taken by the Florida Governor's office asked whether people who live in Florida think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 29% responded, "Yes, it is a serious problem." 71% responded, "No es una problema seriosa."
Q. How many Muslim extremists will it take to destroy America?
A. None, TSA can do it all by themselves, thank you very much.
Q. What do you say to a Pakistani at Christmas?
A. A quart of milk, a loaf of bread and a pack of Marlboros please.
Q. What's the difference between a gay and a dead horse?
A. It's no fun beating a dead horse.
Q. Why do most
A. Goats can't testify.
:shee
Q. How long may you look at a Muslim with one eye closed?
A. Until the magazine is empty.
Q. What do you call a beautiful woman in Pakistan?
A. A tourist.
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. Twenty years later you'll want a club and a spade.
Q. How many gay men does it take to put in a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it takes an entire emergency room staff to get it out.
Q. What's the difference between two dicks and a joke?
A. Your wife can't take a joke.
Q. What's the difference between boy scouts and Jews?
A. Boy scouts come back from camp.
Q. How do they measure the performance of gas chambers?
A. Killajews per second.
Q. How do you get a Jewish girl's number?
A. Pull up her sleeve.
Two pedophiles were sitting on a park bench. A 6 year old girl comes skipping by.. The first pedophiles says, "Christ look at the body on that." To which the other replies "Yeah. I bet she was really something in her day."
