3175375
Well-Known Member
Marriage (Part I) Macho man married good-looking lady, and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules: 'I'll be home when I want, if I
want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.I
expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be
home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I
want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those
are my rules. Any comments?' His new bride said:'No, that's fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every
night...whether you're here or not.' (DARN SHE'S
GOOD!)****************************** ****************** Marriage (Part
II) Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary! The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!' 'Yeah?' she replies.
'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone That reads, 'Here Lies My
Husband -- Stiff At Last'!' (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
****************************** *********** Marriage (Part III) Husband (a
doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets
up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out
of the house. After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make
amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the
irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone? 'She
says, 'I was in bed.' 'In bed this early, doing what?' 'Getting a
second opinion!' (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
****************************** ************************ Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud
of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of
her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is
time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as
well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right
back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.' (RIGHT ON,
LADY!)****************************** ************************* THE SILENT
TREATMENT A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the
next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left
it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only
to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was
about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece
of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are
not equipped for these kinds of contests. ******************************
********** God may have created man before woman, but there Is always a
rough draft before the masterpiece.
wedding, he laid down the following rules: 'I'll be home when I want, if I
want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.I
expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be
home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I
want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those
are my rules. Any comments?' His new bride said:'No, that's fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every
night...whether you're here or not.' (DARN SHE'S
GOOD!)****************************** ****************** Marriage (Part
II) Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary! The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!' 'Yeah?' she replies.
'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone That reads, 'Here Lies My
Husband -- Stiff At Last'!' (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
****************************** *********** Marriage (Part III) Husband (a
doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets
up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out
of the house. After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make
amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the
irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone? 'She
says, 'I was in bed.' 'In bed this early, doing what?' 'Getting a
second opinion!' (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
****************************** ************************ Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud
of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of
her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is
time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as
well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right
back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.' (RIGHT ON,
LADY!)****************************** ************************* THE SILENT
TREATMENT A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the
next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left
it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only
to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was
about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece
of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are
not equipped for these kinds of contests. ******************************
********** God may have created man before woman, but there Is always a
rough draft before the masterpiece.