sgtjunior
Well-Known Member
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.
All the while, my wife Karen is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'
I turned with a confused look on my face and said,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.
A man on his harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice God said, because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish. The biker pulled over and said, build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over any time I want. God replied, your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking, think of the steel it would take. I can do this but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a minute and think of something that could possibly help man kind. The biker thought, finally he said, God I wish all men could understand women, how she feels, what shes thinking, why she cries, what she means when she says something is wrong, why she snaps and how to make her truly happy.
God replied, you want two lanes or
four on that bridge?
A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband
said,
"I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at
the
same time".
The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your pecker is bigger
than your brother's."
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my chest. I can splash it on my eyes."
My long-passed grandmother's birthday is coming up, and for me it's a time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives, the special trips she would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with her, and the advice she used to give. Much was wasted because I was young when she died.
If she were alive today and sharing her pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man. Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most as the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, came when I was only 12.
We were sitting in a park, watching children and their mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day. She told me that one day I'd find a great woman and start my own family. "And, dear, remember this always," she said, "Be sure you marry a woman with small hands."
"How come, Grandma?" I asked her.
She said in her soft voice. . "Makes your pecker look bigger."
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
Just for you Rod!!!
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.
All the while, my wife Karen is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'
I turned with a confused look on my face and said,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.
A man on his harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice God said, because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish. The biker pulled over and said, build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over any time I want. God replied, your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking, think of the steel it would take. I can do this but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a minute and think of something that could possibly help man kind. The biker thought, finally he said, God I wish all men could understand women, how she feels, what shes thinking, why she cries, what she means when she says something is wrong, why she snaps and how to make her truly happy.
God replied, you want two lanes or
four on that bridge?
A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband
said,
"I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at
the
same time".
The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your pecker is bigger
than your brother's."
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my chest. I can splash it on my eyes."
My long-passed grandmother's birthday is coming up, and for me it's a time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives, the special trips she would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with her, and the advice she used to give. Much was wasted because I was young when she died.
If she were alive today and sharing her pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man. Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most as the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, came when I was only 12.
We were sitting in a park, watching children and their mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day. She told me that one day I'd find a great woman and start my own family. "And, dear, remember this always," she said, "Be sure you marry a woman with small hands."
"How come, Grandma?" I asked her.
She said in her soft voice. . "Makes your pecker look bigger."
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
Just for you Rod!!!
