So this guy walks into a bar,

[Dennis Harrelson]

and orders up a dozen martinis.
The barkeeper asks what the guy's celebrating.
"I just got my first blow job", the guy says. "Well, geez", says the barman, "let me buy you a drink, too."
"No, thanks, if twelve don't get this taste outa my mouth, I don't think thirteen will"

 

[FordDude]

OK so I did :lol at that one but still :barf fd

 

[FordDude]

A woman in a bar

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Listen up good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . . it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it.'

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded,

'No kidding.. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?'

fd

 

[Dennis Harrelson]

A nasty, rough-ass ol' boy carying a six-pack stomps into a whorehouse. "I like it rough, and I like it nasty, and I want a bitch that can take it." He says.
"No problem," says the Madam. "Room 4."
The guy gets in the room, the girl takes one look at him, strips, bends over and grabs her ankles. "WTF??" the guy yells, "you think that's tough and nasty?"
"Shit," she says "I just figured you wanted to open a beer first."