One day, a minister decided that he would visit some members of his congregation at their homes to encourage them and find out how they were doing.
After having already visited several members, he arrived at the door of a poor, elderly widow. He rang.
She answered, and let him in. He was ushered into the living room where he and the widow sat down and began a casual conversation.
After a few minutes into his conversation, he noticed a candy dish, full of peanuts, on the coffee table.
Under ordinary circumstances, he would not have asked the question, but it was almost noon, and he hadn't eaten anything since his early breakfast and he was beginning to feel quite hungry.
So, he asked the widow, "do you mind if I have some of these nuts?"
"Help yourself," she replied. So, he did.
Well, they continued chatting, when the minister realized that he had finished all the peanuts in the dish.
He felt quite embarrassed for having gotten so carried away in his conversation, that he didn't even think to leave some in the dish for her.
So, shamefully, he said to her, "I'm really sorry. It seems that I've eaten all your peanuts - I didn't mean to finish them all. Please forgive me."
The poor, elderly widow casually waved her hand at him and said, "Oh, that's quite all right. Since I don't have any teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them anyway!"
Victoria Beckham has announced that she has had her breast implants removed. I heard that they are for sale on eBay. Anyone want to buy a used spice rack???
When nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.
Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.
"And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
"Well," says the first nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger."
"OK," says St. Peter, "dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven."
The next nun admits, "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit."
"OK," says St. Peter, "rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven."
Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.
"Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter.
"Well, your excellency," says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it."
fd
After having already visited several members, he arrived at the door of a poor, elderly widow. He rang.
She answered, and let him in. He was ushered into the living room where he and the widow sat down and began a casual conversation.
After a few minutes into his conversation, he noticed a candy dish, full of peanuts, on the coffee table.
Under ordinary circumstances, he would not have asked the question, but it was almost noon, and he hadn't eaten anything since his early breakfast and he was beginning to feel quite hungry.
So, he asked the widow, "do you mind if I have some of these nuts?"
"Help yourself," she replied. So, he did.
Well, they continued chatting, when the minister realized that he had finished all the peanuts in the dish.
He felt quite embarrassed for having gotten so carried away in his conversation, that he didn't even think to leave some in the dish for her.
So, shamefully, he said to her, "I'm really sorry. It seems that I've eaten all your peanuts - I didn't mean to finish them all. Please forgive me."
The poor, elderly widow casually waved her hand at him and said, "Oh, that's quite all right. Since I don't have any teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them anyway!"
Victoria Beckham has announced that she has had her breast implants removed. I heard that they are for sale on eBay. Anyone want to buy a used spice rack???
When nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.
Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.
"And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
"Well," says the first nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger."
"OK," says St. Peter, "dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven."
The next nun admits, "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit."
"OK," says St. Peter, "rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven."
Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.
"Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter.
"Well, your excellency," says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it."
fd