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Warning-lawyer joke-Warning

Flysure1

Active Member
The Salvation Army realised that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a Salvation Army volunteer made an appointment to see the lawyer in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over one million dollars, you don't give a single penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the Salvation Army?"

The lawyer thought for a moment and said, '"First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'"

Embarrassed, the Salvation Army volunteer mumbled, "'Uh... no, I didn't know that."

"Secondly", says the lawyer, "'did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran of the Afghan war is now blind, confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?"

The stricken volunteer began to stammer an apology, but was cut off again.

"Thirdly,"' the lawyer said, "'did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and the burden of supporting three children, one of whom is disabled and another who has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"

Completely beaten, the humiliated Salvation Army volunteer said, "'I'm so sorry. I had no idea.'"

And then the lawyer said, '"So, if I don't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"
 
its a pity that 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

They bury lawyers 20 feet deep coz deep down they really are nice people.
 
What do you call one thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?


Wait for it...




Wait for it...





A good start :lol :lol :lol


fd
 
This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

Yes.

And in what ways does it affect your memory?

I forget.

You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
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And where was the location of the accident?

Approximately milepost 499.

And where is milepost 499?

Probably between milepost 498 and 500.


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Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?


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The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?


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Were you present when your picture was taken?


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Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?


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Did he kill you?


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How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?


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You were there until the time you left, is that true?


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How many times have you committed suicide?


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So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

Yes.

And what were you doing at that time?


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She had three children, right?

Yes.

How many were boys?

None.

Were there any girls?


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You say the stairs went down to the basement?

Yes.

And these stairs, did they go up also?


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Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?

I went to Europe, Sir.

And you took your new wife?


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How was your first marriage terminated?

By death.

And by whose death was it terminated?


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Can you describe the individual?

He was about medium height and had a beard.

Was this a male, or a female?


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Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


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Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


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Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


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Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

No.

Did you check for blood pressure?

No.

Did you check for breathing?

No.

So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

No.

How can you be so sure, Doctor?

Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.


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What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand at the beach?




Not enough sand!
 
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