Instead of having 6 different posts, I brought them all together.
Decided to consolidate some excerpts from this delicious book I'm reading, knowing that so many of you can or could relate:
Is he a pervert?
All men are perverts. But there's a big difference between regular perverts and gentlemen perverts. Regular perverts take you to Hooters on your first date and spend the night telling you stories about the biggest jugs they've ever seen. Which ain't classy, especially if they only got enough money for chicken wings.
Gentlemen perverts is at least self-respecting enough to buy you a decent meal and some plastic jewelry before trying to get you in the sack.
If your an old man A) named his reproductive unit after a WW II cargo plane; B) still subscribes to National Geographic for the naked Amazon babes; or C) is a lawyer; chances are he's a pervert. Don't let him near your kids.
'''''''''
Does he got manners?
You can tell a real gentleman cuz he'll always say something nice about your butt, no matter how big is it.
Say he's laying on the couch watching baseball. "Woman," he says, "could you score me another brewski?" As you leave the room he adds, "Your butt's so cute I should list it on the renter's insurance as precious jewelry."
That's class.
But what he only says, "Woman, grab me another brewski." Then as you leave the room, all he does is cuss out Troy Percival for giving up a two-out single. This here's an example of no class, which means you should probably set him up with your sister. Then you can gossip about the moron she married at family get-togethers.
,,,,,,
Does he.......
.....flirt with other women?
This could be a sign that he's hound dogging truckstop waitresses when he's suppose to be at the strip joint wit his buddies. Then again, a lotta ladies don't mind their man having affairs cuz they'll do less pawing on them. If it keeps the creep outta the house, all the better. Just make sure his ass is around when it's time to shovel the sidewalk.
,,,,,,
Now it's his turn.....Make sure she ain't no pig
You don't want no wife who cleans like a drunk maid from of them rent-by-the hour motels. That's why you gotta do research. Ask yourself these questions: Does she draw Easter decorations in the grease on the kitchen wall? Does she leave cig butts in the shower drain? Is the crumbs on her carpet thick enough to clean with one of them leaf blowers?
If you're answering yes, you're gonna need a night job to pay for the maid
,,,,,
Can she cook a decent steak?
Nothing worse than working hard all month to collect the unemployment check, than to have your woman make a steak that looks like it got cooked by an arc welder.
It ain't a bad idea to road test her on the cooking before you get to the wedding bells. Have her cook a steak after she just pounded a quart of Beam, or after you just got home with lipstick on your pants and called her Lucy by mistake.
If she can still nail the steak under these normal conditions, you got yourself a keeper.
,,,,,
Make sure she don't got a sister who's way purtier
Say you knock up your woman. Then, on your wedding night, you finally meet her sister from Kansas, who's way better looking than the one you're marrying. Next thing you know you'll be trying to score with her in the garage at family gatherings. Romance ain't real pleasurable with a lawn buy stuck in your back.
What's more, your woman's brothers'll get wind of it and beat you till you talk like a figure skater.
Ask to see the family pictures before you get to knocking her up.
Decided to consolidate some excerpts from this delicious book I'm reading, knowing that so many of you can or could relate:
Is he a pervert?
All men are perverts. But there's a big difference between regular perverts and gentlemen perverts. Regular perverts take you to Hooters on your first date and spend the night telling you stories about the biggest jugs they've ever seen. Which ain't classy, especially if they only got enough money for chicken wings.
Gentlemen perverts is at least self-respecting enough to buy you a decent meal and some plastic jewelry before trying to get you in the sack.
If your an old man A) named his reproductive unit after a WW II cargo plane; B) still subscribes to National Geographic for the naked Amazon babes; or C) is a lawyer; chances are he's a pervert. Don't let him near your kids.
'''''''''
Does he got manners?
You can tell a real gentleman cuz he'll always say something nice about your butt, no matter how big is it.
Say he's laying on the couch watching baseball. "Woman," he says, "could you score me another brewski?" As you leave the room he adds, "Your butt's so cute I should list it on the renter's insurance as precious jewelry."
That's class.
But what he only says, "Woman, grab me another brewski." Then as you leave the room, all he does is cuss out Troy Percival for giving up a two-out single. This here's an example of no class, which means you should probably set him up with your sister. Then you can gossip about the moron she married at family get-togethers.
,,,,,,
Does he.......
.....flirt with other women?
This could be a sign that he's hound dogging truckstop waitresses when he's suppose to be at the strip joint wit his buddies. Then again, a lotta ladies don't mind their man having affairs cuz they'll do less pawing on them. If it keeps the creep outta the house, all the better. Just make sure his ass is around when it's time to shovel the sidewalk.
,,,,,,
Now it's his turn.....Make sure she ain't no pig
You don't want no wife who cleans like a drunk maid from of them rent-by-the hour motels. That's why you gotta do research. Ask yourself these questions: Does she draw Easter decorations in the grease on the kitchen wall? Does she leave cig butts in the shower drain? Is the crumbs on her carpet thick enough to clean with one of them leaf blowers?
If you're answering yes, you're gonna need a night job to pay for the maid
,,,,,
Can she cook a decent steak?
Nothing worse than working hard all month to collect the unemployment check, than to have your woman make a steak that looks like it got cooked by an arc welder.
It ain't a bad idea to road test her on the cooking before you get to the wedding bells. Have her cook a steak after she just pounded a quart of Beam, or after you just got home with lipstick on your pants and called her Lucy by mistake.
If she can still nail the steak under these normal conditions, you got yourself a keeper.
,,,,,
Make sure she don't got a sister who's way purtier
Say you knock up your woman. Then, on your wedding night, you finally meet her sister from Kansas, who's way better looking than the one you're marrying. Next thing you know you'll be trying to score with her in the garage at family gatherings. Romance ain't real pleasurable with a lawn buy stuck in your back.
What's more, your woman's brothers'll get wind of it and beat you till you talk like a figure skater.
Ask to see the family pictures before you get to knocking her up.