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Tuesday morning funnies

Discussion in 'Very Grumpy Old Farts Lounge' started by FordDude, Dec 1, 2009.

  1. FordDude

    FordDude Well-Known Dude Staff Member Moderator

    A bear was shitting in the woods and noticed that there was a rabbit shitting just two feet away, the bear says to the rabbit, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur? No says the rabbit, my fur is smooth and very clean, good says the bear, as he wipes his ass with the rabbit.

    An older, white haired man walked into a Jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young woman at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
    The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
    At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000." the jeweler said.
    The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
    The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
    The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
    Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
    "I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend..

    An elderly man in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years.
    He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice, picnic tables,
    horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly
    shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built
    One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
    been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon
    bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard
    voices, shouting and laughing with glee.
    As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping
    in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went
    splashing to the deep end of the pond. One of the woman shouted, "We're
    not coming out until you leave." The old man frowned and said, "I
    didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of
    the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm! here to feed the alligator."

    A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?" "That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment."
    The midget shows up and the rancher asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
    "A female horth," replies the midget.
    So, the rancher shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?" The rancher picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
    "Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?" So, the rancher picks the little fella up again and shows him the horse's ears.
    "Nith earzth, can I see her mouf?" The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks up the midget again and shows him the horse's mouth.
    "Nice mouf, can I see her twat?" Mad as hell at this point, the rancher grabs the midget under his arms and rams his head as far as he can up the horse's requested part, pulls him out, and slams him on the ground.
    The midget gets up wiping his eyes, sputtering and coughing.
    "Perhapth I should rephrase that...Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?"

  2. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    :lol :lol
  3. blue65coupe

    blue65coupe Well-Known Member

    you shouldn't make fun of midgets.........................roflmao
  4. lethal289

    lethal289 Active Member

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