blue65coupe
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http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/new-handbook-helps-newly-undead-zombies-adjust/19678907?test=latestnews
(Oct. 19) -- Zombies may be all the rage in pop culture, but, truth is, all the movies, books and TV shows about the brain-eating former humans have ignored a key audience: the zombies themselves.
Just ask self-proclaimed "zombiologist" John Austin, who also designs toys for Hasbro.
"Pop culture has trained the human race that when the zombie virus strikes, we die," he told AOL News. "That said, most books cater to the humans."
Austin hopes to rectify that with a new book, "So Now You're a Zombie: A Handbook for the Newly Undead" (Chicago Review Press), a manual that explains everything a newly undead soul needs to hunt, fight and feed on the living.
He wrote the book out of a fit of compassion for folks who, through no fault of their own, are now tagged with the zombie label but have no idea of how to start procuring brains to consume.
"I thought to myself, 'Wouldn't it be nice, as a zombie, to have a guide with all the necessary skills?' " he said.
The first step to making the most of your zombie statues is recognizing your situation. Austin says that if most of the following apply, you may be a zombie:
A dismal appearance: Generally, most zombie clothing is simply what the person was wearing when he was alive, just more raggedy.
Bouts with insomnia: Zombies often stay up for days lurching for brains.
Changes in mobility: Zombies lack coordination and move with a slow, shambling gait.
Difficulties in communication: Most zombies are lousy conversationalists and their comments are generally limited to grunts and moans -- if the lungs are even intact.
General skin decomposition, including small outbreaks of flesh-eating bacteria and parasites in the early stages of zombification.
Little or no emotional baggage: Austin said this is one of the few benefits of being a zombie, but he says having no concept of right and wrong may result in sudden behavioral changes.
Little or no memory.
Bulletproof from the neck down.
A sudden craving for brains.
You recently died.
Once you determine whether or not you are a zombie, Austin says you now face the toughest step of all: Telling your loved ones of your new "after-lifestyle."
"Really, letting your loved ones know that they're probably going to have to toss you out the door, either because your skin decay will be very disgusting or because you may try to kill them for their brains isn't easy, no matter whether you are a zombie or not," Austin said.
The book offers human hunting tips for zombies, which Austin admits seems counterintuitive since hunting for zombies is mostly instinctual and also because they aren't known for their ability to follow directions.
"Hunting is instinctual, but humans hide," Austin said. "I believe zombies work best in numbers so, for instance, the book explains that a pack mentality is best. If you attack a group of humans by walking through their front door, it's good to have other zombies at the back door to get them when they try to run out."
Austin also wants his zombie readers to understand the first three words of brain procuring: location, location, location.
"Urban settings are the best hunting grounds," he said. "No matter how the authorities try to alert people about the threat of attack, there will still be a few humans in denial who will be walking the streets."
He says that dense urban centers like Manhattan are better than spread-out cities like Los Angeles and recommends areas near universities.
"Zombies eat brains in order to get a medulla rush, so brains from more intelligent people will provide more of a rush than other brains," he said. "But they have to be fresh. After an hour, the gray matter in the brain dies off and is useless."
Certain times of the year are also better for zombie brain raids.
"Halloween is the one time of the year when they can blend in with the crowd, and a smart zombie takes advantage of that," Austin said.
As the author of a pro-zombie manual, Austin admits it is very possible that humans could read his book for tips. However, he's prepared for that.
"All the pages are infected with the Z-virus, so humans who read it are putting themselves at risk to become zombies," he said.
But there's another problem: Zombies aren't known for following the rules of society, so it's possible any one of them who wants the book will just steal it.
"I realize that zombies don't live by the rules," he said. "And many who steal the book won't be stopped or apprehended. Still, that's OK. I wrote the book as a public service for all the zombies out there looking for answers."
__________________________________________________________________________
I thought this was a joke, and may very well be, but it got me wondering...do people really believe this stuff? I know people joke about the "zombie invasion" and all that crap but are there people who seriously believe this stuff?
(Oct. 19) -- Zombies may be all the rage in pop culture, but, truth is, all the movies, books and TV shows about the brain-eating former humans have ignored a key audience: the zombies themselves.
Just ask self-proclaimed "zombiologist" John Austin, who also designs toys for Hasbro.
"Pop culture has trained the human race that when the zombie virus strikes, we die," he told AOL News. "That said, most books cater to the humans."
Austin hopes to rectify that with a new book, "So Now You're a Zombie: A Handbook for the Newly Undead" (Chicago Review Press), a manual that explains everything a newly undead soul needs to hunt, fight and feed on the living.
He wrote the book out of a fit of compassion for folks who, through no fault of their own, are now tagged with the zombie label but have no idea of how to start procuring brains to consume.
"I thought to myself, 'Wouldn't it be nice, as a zombie, to have a guide with all the necessary skills?' " he said.
The first step to making the most of your zombie statues is recognizing your situation. Austin says that if most of the following apply, you may be a zombie:
A dismal appearance: Generally, most zombie clothing is simply what the person was wearing when he was alive, just more raggedy.
Bouts with insomnia: Zombies often stay up for days lurching for brains.
Changes in mobility: Zombies lack coordination and move with a slow, shambling gait.
Difficulties in communication: Most zombies are lousy conversationalists and their comments are generally limited to grunts and moans -- if the lungs are even intact.
General skin decomposition, including small outbreaks of flesh-eating bacteria and parasites in the early stages of zombification.
Little or no emotional baggage: Austin said this is one of the few benefits of being a zombie, but he says having no concept of right and wrong may result in sudden behavioral changes.
Little or no memory.
Bulletproof from the neck down.
A sudden craving for brains.
You recently died.
Once you determine whether or not you are a zombie, Austin says you now face the toughest step of all: Telling your loved ones of your new "after-lifestyle."
"Really, letting your loved ones know that they're probably going to have to toss you out the door, either because your skin decay will be very disgusting or because you may try to kill them for their brains isn't easy, no matter whether you are a zombie or not," Austin said.
The book offers human hunting tips for zombies, which Austin admits seems counterintuitive since hunting for zombies is mostly instinctual and also because they aren't known for their ability to follow directions.
"Hunting is instinctual, but humans hide," Austin said. "I believe zombies work best in numbers so, for instance, the book explains that a pack mentality is best. If you attack a group of humans by walking through their front door, it's good to have other zombies at the back door to get them when they try to run out."
Austin also wants his zombie readers to understand the first three words of brain procuring: location, location, location.
"Urban settings are the best hunting grounds," he said. "No matter how the authorities try to alert people about the threat of attack, there will still be a few humans in denial who will be walking the streets."
He says that dense urban centers like Manhattan are better than spread-out cities like Los Angeles and recommends areas near universities.
"Zombies eat brains in order to get a medulla rush, so brains from more intelligent people will provide more of a rush than other brains," he said. "But they have to be fresh. After an hour, the gray matter in the brain dies off and is useless."
Certain times of the year are also better for zombie brain raids.
"Halloween is the one time of the year when they can blend in with the crowd, and a smart zombie takes advantage of that," Austin said.
As the author of a pro-zombie manual, Austin admits it is very possible that humans could read his book for tips. However, he's prepared for that.
"All the pages are infected with the Z-virus, so humans who read it are putting themselves at risk to become zombies," he said.
But there's another problem: Zombies aren't known for following the rules of society, so it's possible any one of them who wants the book will just steal it.
"I realize that zombies don't live by the rules," he said. "And many who steal the book won't be stopped or apprehended. Still, that's OK. I wrote the book as a public service for all the zombies out there looking for answers."
__________________________________________________________________________
I thought this was a joke, and may very well be, but it got me wondering...do people really believe this stuff? I know people joke about the "zombie invasion" and all that crap but are there people who seriously believe this stuff?
