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Child Abuse or not?

K

Kats66Pny

Active Member
I heard about this on the radio this morning.

I hate Joy Behar btw.
http://joybehar.blogs.cnn.com/2011/02/01/punishing-your-child-with-hot-sauce/

The 'pulled 3 cards' is some sort of discipline thing at the school. Seems the kid got in trouble at school a few times and was sent home, so the mother made the kid hold hot sauce in his mouth and then made him stand in a cold shower. Now she's being charged with child abuse.

:wtf I'm sorry, but I don't think that's child abuse. I mean I think it all depends on the child and/or what the child did wrong. Some kids are softer than others and don't take physical punishments well yet other kids are harder and don't even blink if you spank them. And I don't think that sort of punishment would be appropriate if say, the kid didn't clean his room.

I've never given my kids cold showers (never thought about it until this lol thanks CNN!! :thu ) and hot sauce? pfft my kids LIKE hot sauce and put it on everything so that wouldn't do any good at all. But I get the concept, instead of washing the mouth out with soap for saying things they shouldn't, use hot sauce which at least hot sauce was made for human consumption unlike soap.
 
Agree, Joy is an idiot. IMO, not abuse, but not sure it's good parenting. Like you said, each child is different, so...

but who TAPES disciplining thier children? For what purpose? That alone makes me question the 'rents decision making ability.
 
Let me start by saying I think Behar is a complete waste of our oxygen. I didn't watch the piece and could care less what Behar's position is on the matter but can tell you that those are stupid and abusive acts. Not worthy of any legal punishment but certainly basis for some basic parenting class requirements. Parent's have to maintain a level of self control at all times. This one obviously failed in that regard.
 
Video taping it... I could see if the video was kept private and was shown to the child next time he acted up to remind him what happens when he misbehaves. About the only thing I could think of anyway. :shrug

Now posting it on youtube ... no point in that at all. :no
 
I agree Kat, depends on the child. If I were to do that to my 4yr old, that would be child abuse. She can't stand anything remotely spicy, and she doesn't like showers, cold water, or even hot water for that matter. She'd be traumatized. But obviously not all kids are the same. I still don't think it's good parenting, but I think the 'abuse' thing gets thrown around a little too much.
 
1-Behar is a tool

2-Not abuse...though each kid is different

3-Lack of judgement and parenting skill IMO...obvious by the taping.

4-I've found waterboarding to be much more effective than a cold shower.
 
"Kats66Pny" said:
Video taping it... I could see if the video was kept private and was shown to the child next time he acted up to remind him what happens when he misbehaves.
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I think videotaping should be out of the equation period. A child doesn't forget effective punishment. The only reason to tape it, IMO, is for some twisted satisfaction the parent may get.
 
"blue65coupe" said:
A child doesn't forget effective punishment.
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If that was the case, then no child would have to sit in a time out more than once. Or get no more than one good spanking growing up. Or only get his video game/toy/etc taken away once.
 
"Kats66Pny" said:
If that was the case, then no child would have to sit in a time out more than once. Or get no more than one good spanking growing up. Or only get his video game/toy/etc taken away once.
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Not true at all. I used to get in trouble (punished) all the time at school for peeking up girls dresses but that never stopped me from having another peek. It's all about risk and reward. Somethings are worth the chance/punishment.
 
"Kats66Pny" said:
If that was the case, then no child would have to sit in a time out more than once. Or get no more than one good spanking growing up. Or only get his video game/toy/etc taken away once.
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"Horseplay" said:
Not true at all. I used to get in trouble (punished) all the time at school for peeking up girls dresses but that never stopped me from having another peek. It's all about risk and reward. Somethings are worth the chance/punishment.
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Agreed. I always knew what would happen if I got caught doing something. Some things are worth taking a chance on though.
 
"Kats66Pny" said:
If that was the case, then no child would have to sit in a time out more than once.
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Does anybody have a child for which timeoput is really an effective discipline technique? I have yet to meet one.
 
"apollard" said:
Does anybody have a child for which timeoput is really an effective discipline technique? I have yet to meet one.
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The only thing time out is good for is getting the walls drawn on with crayons. Occasionally it has worked on my 2 year old son if he's in a stubborn mood. Of course his time out is spent sitting right beside his train table with daddy staring him down. I guess it's more of a "who's gonna blink first" thing vs. "time out".
 
"blue65coupe" said:
Of course his time out is spent sitting right beside his train table with daddy staring him down. I guess it's more of a "who's gonna blink first" thing vs. "time out".
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Got one of those also.
 
"apollard" said:
Does anybody have a child for which timeoput is really an effective discipline technique? I have yet to meet one.
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Some think time outs are the 'appropriate' thing to do vs using physical punishment like spankings. That's why I included it. I used time outs when my kids were really young. Doesn't work anymore though. Now it makes them whine how bored they are. I will spank them if they need it. My son is 11 and I can usually just get the point across by raising my voice, giving the "mom is pissed" look and taking away his toys, video games, making him stay in the house and watch his friends outside playing, etc. My daughter is 15, will be 16 in March. I've taken a hand across her butt. It doesn't do as much good as trashing her room. :thu

Story. She hadn't done her chores in a few days. Not like she has many chores. Dishes (we have a dishwasher so not like it's a big deal to put the dishes in it, and hit start), litterbox duty and of course keeping her room clean.
Being a teenage girl, she spends a lot of time in her room listening to music, texting her friends on her ipod touch, etc. Well I went in there to take away her ipod. Suposedly she couldn't find it. Pfft. Yeah right. I said you have 5 minutes to find it or I will tear up this room until I find it. She never found it, so I made her sit in the livingroom and I went in there and started tearing her room apart. Think jail cell being torn apart. I had the sheets ripped off the bed, mattress in the hall, pulled crap off her shelves, out of her closet. Looked like a tornado hit it. Then miraculously she 'found' her ipod in her pants pocket and handed it over. Told her she had 1 hour to put her room back and get it cleaned up and if it wasn't clean.. I'd go back and trash it again. She was all pissing and moaning and taking her sweet time cleaning it up...hour went by, wasn't clean. So I trashed it again. She got it cleaned up within 30 minutes and I didn't have to trash it all over again.

Now I just threaten the tornado, and she listens. I have to admit though.. that was FUN. I'm sorry but ripping apart a bedroom and throwing stuff everywhere was fun. Especially since I didn't have to pick it up. :roll
 
"Kats66Pny" said:
Story. Now I just threaten the tornado, and she listens. I have to admit though.. that was FUN. I'm sorry but ripping apart a bedroom and throwing stuff everywhere was fun. Especially since I didn't have to pick it up. :roll
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LMAO
 
Alright, I said it over on Kat's Facebook post and I'll say it here:

Abuse. That is not punishment, that's attempting to break him. That's not discipline, that's fear, intimidation and bullying, and using her size, NOT her authority, to show him who's boss.


Add since StangFix is conducive to a longer format:

I don't question people on spanking. I don't practice it, I don't believe in it, Quite frankly, I don't like it, and maybe I'm lucky, but I've never found an occasion for it. But these are MY kids and MY methods and I don't want anyone telling me I should spank, so I don't tell people they shouldn't.

But that woman was being a bully. Plain and simple. I know a bully when I see it. I've endured too many. And that was being a bully.

Now whether or not bringing charges was appropriate, THAT is a different issue. But that was abusive behavior, and I'm not going to pretend it wasn't.

And spank free, my kids are polite, respectful and well behaved. They need to be corrected, my son sometimes often, but he also knows how to behave, and I've learned to manage him without spanking (though I will be frank, it is often an impulse). Now that's *MY* kids, and maybe if my kids were different, maybe they'd need different discipline. I still will *NEVER* spank, but that's a different discussion.

Regardless, she was not dealing with her child to correct a situation, she was ANGRY...and letting her anger drive her. I've known people who spank, but do so calm, reasonably, and rationally. I believe both Duane and Sheldon have talked about the calmness, but sternness they approach their kids with when it's time to get a whuppin. I have no issue there. When an adult 5 times the size of a small child goes in there with anger, and uses that anger against the child that IS ABUSE.

And damn right I'll look down my nose and condemn it.

As for the video, her family was profiled on Dr. Phil and they took the video so they can git on the TeeVee.
 
"AtlantaSteve" said:
As for the video, her family was profiled on Dr. Phil and they took the video so they can git on the TeeVee.
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Pretty much explains it right there.
 
"apollard" said:
Pretty much explains it right there.
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I thought so, too...and wondered if she amped it up for the camera. Some people don't care how bad they look, so long as they get the free flight, the free hotel, the free food, and the fun of being an a national TV show.

IF she increased her punishment just to make the show more interesting, then that makes it even more abusive, IMHO...because she wasn't doing it for the betterment of her son, she was PURELY doing it for her own ego.
 
"AtlantaSteve" said:
IF she increased her punishment just to make the show more interesting, then that makes it even more abusive, IMHO...because she wasn't doing it for the betterment of her son, she was PURELY doing it for her own ego.
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+1

BTW, I wonder if the nightly teaspoon of cod liver oil I had to endure when I was younger constituted abuse? Mom always said it was to fight off colds but I swear, Tabasco sauce would've been better.
 
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