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Child Abuse or not?

I agree with most everyone here, each child is different.

My 4 year old one day will cry at just being given the look, the next day a spanking wont faze him.

The county of Los Angeles has labeled him as gifted and have provided much info on how to help him the most. I'm very old school but the info they provided has been somewhat helpful.

Currently, we drew a long train track route that goes through a valley over the mountains over a river and then ends at the train station. The train track has little squares and he gets a certain amount of stickers depending on how well he did throughout the day. Once he makes it to the train station he gets a really cool toy that hangs out in a very visible non reachable location to remind him of the prize. When he is not a good listener he has to march down to the poster and remove X amount of stickers. He hates that. LoL. So far it works but sometimes it doesn't, so it really is a what's going to work in the moment parenting on the fly kind of thing.

My best wishes to any parent working hard to be a good one.
 
As I read back through this I noticed a lot of you have little guys. My kids are kinda spread out, the oldest is 23 the youngest is 6 (yes, same wife). In between is my 15 year old son. This leads to my bit of advice. Correcting improper behavior as they get older is made much easier if you instill a bit of fear in 'em when they're smaller. My middle guy stands 6' 4" 210 lbs and growing today. Fortunately for me, at some point in the past I established my dominance as the Alpha male in his young brain that has him react instinctively submissive to my direction.
 
"Horseplay" said:
Correcting improper behavior as they get older is made much easier if you instill a bit of fear in 'em when they're smaller.
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Agree. To this day I don't think I could whoop my dad.
 
"abrahamfh" said:
No kidding, my dad is 49 and can kick my a$$ without breaking a sweat.
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LOL, yea. I won't do that again. Back when I was 15, I thought I was the biggest badass on the block and picked a fight with my dad, literally. Stupid on my part, since A: He's a LOT stronger than me, and B: he's a black belt and teaches karate for a living. As soon as I threw that first swing, I remember thinking...."You dumbass! This is gonna hurt." And it did. He bent me into a human pretzel. And that folks, was the LAST time I ever talked back or acted up.

I really hope my kid takes after his/her momma. She was the good one, I was the hellion.
 
My idiotic self decided to "test" my dad when I was about 10. He was picking on me about something and I wasn't in the mood. I decided I was gonna go at him full force with both hands and see how far back I could shove him. Not really an issue at the time as I had proven myself with the other neighborhood kids. I swear I was at least 5 feet from him and his arms stretched out like Mr. Gadget's. I was far enough away, I swear, that I could look him in the eye. One second his arms were coming at me and the next second I was pinned with my back against the wall about 7' in the air. I didn't know what just happened I just knew it wasn't cool. My dad is 63 and still has a tone that will shut me up mid-sentence. I figure my kids can fear me 49% of the time as long as they respect me 51%.
 
"blue65coupe" said:
Agree. To this day I don't think I could whoop my dad.
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Absolutely!! Mine is no longer with us, but I always maintained that same view when he was. I recall being very ticked at him when I was little. I told him "I'll just wait until you're and old man and kick your crutches out". He promptly informed me "No, I'll just use those CRUTCHES to beat your a$$". Game, set, match. You win dad!! LOL

I think it's inherent in males to try to challenge dad at least once. My own son is now bigger than me. Several years back he tried. Emphasize TRIED! He decided to bow up to like a grown man. A slight tussle then ensued. While I DON'T recommend this, I told him if he wanted to come at me like a man, I'd treat him like a man. The shiner he wore the next day ended that. I'm not proud of it, but I can say he now has a huge amount of respect for me and our father/son relationship has never been better. It's a very fortunate outcome.

A comment was posted earlier that I'd like to echo in a somewhat paraphrased form. That is that I greatly respect and commend ALL parents that take the time and effort to BE parents to their children. As we all know, IT is probably the toughest job you'll ever love! :thu
 
"apollard" said:
Does anybody have a child for which timeoput is really an effective discipline technique? I have yet to meet one.
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Yes, it works.

It's all about getting creative.

Stefan gets to sit right next to the TV facing everyone watching it, of course he himself not being able to see it. There is a PENALTY pillow that he cannot get up from until he sincerely apologizes. Usually change the channel to something he really really wants to watch. It's an automatic ten minute penalty and then it's the wait for the apology. After the apology he still must remove X amount of stickers from his train track route.

The biggest thing I want Stefan to learn is that there are consequences for absolutely everything that you do, Regardless of how sorry you might be about haven done something, you still have to pay.
 
"blue65coupe" said:
Agree. To this day I don't think I could whoop my dad.
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One time 20 or so years ago my father-in-law tried to be the Alpha in my house and, well, I kicked his ass. We have been good friends ever since!
We both have the others respect.

My father was not around when I was growing up and is 70+. I can tell you this much I will not cross him! He could probably still kick my ass! We both have the same hand to hand combat training since he worked for the same department I did and he is over weight, but he is still a bad ass in my eyes!

My daughters are all three awesome young ladies and know how to behave in public and have known since they were very small. We took them everywhere. They even ate Sushi at the age of five or so. They all are very good marksman, but the reason I believe they are the way they are is that their Mom always was active in their life and we raised them with a foundation in the scriptures.

I do have to say they know not to piss Dad off!

My oldest got a speeding ticket, when she got home I was on the couch watching TV and told her I was happy to see her. She said she knew I would know before she got home. the cop was a guy I had worked with and called me to tell me I needed to put tires on her truck. She broke down and told me everything. Instead of getting mad, I gave her a hug and told her she would have to deal with the consequences. On another occasion she hit a pole with my pride 2000 Durrango (Black) she panicked and instead of backing off she just gunned it. She drove to the computer store we owned and called my wife from her cell. She was scared to death. I decided the car can be fixed and if there was any out of pocket cost she could pay for it. I just gave her a hug and told her it would be OK.

This worked awesome for her.

The youngest one....Well, I came home from work and found a pencil stabbed into a couch cushion. I called all three girls in and asked the guilty party to come forward. None would admit it and none would tell. so they all three were grounded for a month. They all had activities they would not be able to attend. Eventually the youngest one was persuaded by the older two to admit what she had done. Everything went to normal and Erin paid to have the cushion fixed. Well, she also got to clean all the walls in the hall with just water and a tiny wash cloth.

None of this was cruel and all worked. The key is making sure they know you love them even when they are bad.

Mel

Mel
 
"abrahamfh" said:
Stefan gets to sit right next to the TV facing everyone watching it, of course he himself not being able to see it.

The biggest thing I want Stefan to learn is that there are consequences for absolutely everything that you do, Regardless of how sorry you might be about haven done something, you still have to pay.
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My parents tried that once. After a few minutes they were wondering why I didn't care. They realized the glass in a table acted as a mirror and the next time I had to leave the room. You're exactly right about them learning there are consequences and as mentioned earlier, my respect goes to all parents who are PARENTING their kids. All kids are different and that requires different parenting styles.
 
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