• Hello there guest and Welcome to The #1 Classic Mustang forum!
    To gain full access you must Register. Registration is free and it takes only a few moments to complete.
    Already a member? Login here then!

I'm at my wits end...marriage is over

blu67

blu67

Well-Known Member
My marriage is over.......12 years, bye bye. She doesn't want me in her life anymore. (well, except, we have kids...forever) I think the financial issues that we have had for most of our relationship finally took it's toll. She says I didn't do enough to get us out of the hole. (even though we are almost out of the hole!!!) Gee, a full time job AND starting a business on the side. Guess I should have gotten a 3rd or 4th job!
In addition, she's an alcoholic and has been drinking since Thursday. I know I need to get onto a separation agreement with a custody arrangement (100% to me unless she cleans up) but I just don't have the money for a lawyer. Any suggestions anyone has used out there? My problem now, is that she has just checked out. Slept for the past two days. She has no job, no place to go, no money and she thinks that sleeping it off will solve all.......
I've been going to alanon meetings and have to concentrate my thoughts and efforts on myself and the kids. I can't spend any time on her anymore but there's the fact that we have two young kids, she has no prospects and she's sleeping/drunk through this whole process. I just don't know what to do. Contacting her parents or friends will make things worse. I'm literally sick to my stomach over the whole thing and want to just start over...unfortunately, I can't kick her to the curb with nothing.
ARRGGHH!!!!!!!!!
 
Dude, sorry to hear your troubles. Any way to get her to a meeting? You cant work the steps for her, only she can. As to The lawyer deal, contact your local bar association, the usually have a low cost referral legal system. Also, many law schools have legal clinics where third year law students practice for cheap under the supervision of licensed lawyers. I would bet that there is more than 1 friend of Bill W on this forum who can give advice by pm.
 
Wow, tough situation, your #1 priority is the well being of your children, period. Then I would guess you will have to beg, borrow and steal to get legal council to get custody of the kids and minimize her visits, hard to keep mother out of their life, I would keep records of all of her actions, worry about material things last, everything is replaceable except your children. I wish you the best of luck!
 
Sorry to hear things have taken a turn for the worse.
I hope you can find a way to work everything out with custody. Having kids and a separation can be tough.
 
My sympathies. I'm on the other side of a D so have seen the process over the last couple years. One suggestion is to retain a lawyer by melting a credit card. You can file BK later if money is an issue. My legal fees paid for a couple of free plane rides, courtesy of a mileage credit card.

Alanon is a great idea; also, reconnect and/or strengthen connections with friends. Anything you can do to center yourself emotionally will benefit you over time. I'm sure you've been there for people in your past. Now it's their turn. Lean on them. Develop a support network.

Spend some time each week working on or driving your Mustang(s). It's good therapy.

Remember, one day at a time. Good luck.
 
"camachinist" said:
One suggestion is to retain a lawyer by melting a credit card. You can file BK later if money is an issue. My legal fees paid for a couple of free plane rides, courtesy of a mileage credit card.
Click to expand...

While I understand this was meant to show solidarity and support, etc. I really don't think this is a path to follow. There are better ways to move forward rather than to dismiss all sense of personal responsibility. This will probably be a long and painful journey that will be made easier if one is able to hold their head up high knowing they took the high road. Just an opinion.
 
Sorry to hear of your troubles. Does she realize she has a problem? Does your wife have a friend who can step in and help?
 
Sorry to hear you're going thru a rough patch, Chris. I hope everything works out with a minimum of hassle.
 
3:30 this morning, she says she needs In-patient rehab. Good. She made the decision. I'm home today to figure out what to do and what I need to start doing. Got to get her there and get her well. The marriage is over, no question, but our kids should have a healthy mother. She is a fantastic mother when she is sober. I never want to take full custody of the kids but will initially until she gets well and can show she can stay that way.
Thanks for the support and suggestions guys.
 
Chris,
Very sorry to hear of this. I'm sure you will find a way to make this tough situation as painless as possible for the whole family.
 
Chris,
I dont know your situation any better than the others on here but I want to offer advice...Rehab is great but make sure she goes for an extended period no less than six months. This will create a hardship on you and the kids but is better in the long run

I would not make any decisions about the marriage until after the treatment is done...sit tight and get her on the path to recovery. You will need your family and friends to help you through. If your kids are young then they are going to ask questions so you need to prepare yourself to answer them in THEIR best interest...if they are older then thats up to you. Right now you are both down but dont quit.
 
Sorry to hear that Chris. I will PM you after work with some helpful resources I have found in LA county if that helps at all.
 
"napaguy" said:
I would not make any decisions about the marriage until after the treatment is done...sit tight and get her on the path to recovery. You will need your family and friends to help you through. If your kids are young then they are going to ask questions so you need to prepare yourself to answer them in THEIR best interest...if they are older then thats up to you. Right now you are both down but dont quit.
Click to expand...

+1
 
I am sorry to hear this and I think everyone has offered advise better than I can.
I can relate. When my son was 7 months old my (now ex) wife decided she didn't want to be a wife or mom. She had nothing either but was fooling around on me so I kicked her to the curb. I went for joint custody but my son lived with me and she had visitation. The judge said as long as both of us agreed on the conditions we didn't need a lawyer.
She initially agreed to my terms but later had been talking to people who filled her head with ideas of how she could get stuff/money. I would strike while the iron is hot if it were me and your sure it's over. You need to protect yourself so you can support the kids. I'm still struggling from debt and damage to my credit caused by my ex-wife because I felt sorry for her and didn't protect myself. She DID look out for only herself! Just my 2 cents.
Good Luck
 
Thanks, guys for all the support.
There is no saving this marriage unfortunately. She doesn't want to and I have a feeling that she may have cheated on me during one of her drunken moments. I can deal with trying to save a marriage if it's mutual and she wants to get help for her drinking, but if you cheat, sorry, your damaged goods now.
After rehab she'll probably stay with me until she can get back on her feet. I have already changed the passwords on the bank account and stopped direct deposit. I now will be controlling all the finances and bill paying. (Not that she didn't do a good job of it before, just need to separate that stuff now.)
She needs to be isolated but I cannot kick out an unemployed mother of my children, no matter what. She's still their mother and will love her unconditionally. We're just going to have to figure this out.
 
"Flysure1" said:
Wow, tough situation, your #1 priority is the well being of your children, period. Then I would guess you will have to beg, borrow and steal to get legal council to get custody of the kids and minimize her visits, hard to keep mother out of their life, I would keep records of all of her actions, worry about material things last, everything is replaceable except your children. I wish you the best of luck!
Click to expand...

+1

I have a log of times, dates, etc on mine.....

Been through hell and back with mine but I am not dealing with a drunk (just a Xanax popping psycho) so I am just killing time for the next ~ three years to make the custody question easy. In Texas when the kids hit 13 their saying "I want to live with dad" carries a ton of weight with the court.

Call around in your area....a lot of attorneys will give you an initial consult for free and give you some direction.
 
I gotta say I'm with Pat. I hate to hear it man and hope everything pans out but I think Pat hit the nail on the head. Good luck.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top