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Is your wife ready for you to die?

S

sigtauenus

Active Member
A good friend of mine died yesterday. Heart attack. 57, retired Navy Chief, skinny guy but high blood pressure and cholesterol.

They can't find his DD-214 to get him military honors at his funeral service Monday and interment at Arlington.

Wife has no idea if he signed up for the survivor benefit plan (so she continues to get some of his military retirement), she has no idea what life insurance he has through his work, if any, no idea if he had any other insurance. She has no idea where the passwords are to get into the accounts online.

He was a great guy, treated her good, and helped out a lot at church and what-not, so its really frustrating that they didn't have better planning.

So I know a bunch of that is military related, but if your wife doesn't know what's going to happen when you die, you better get on it and make sure she is taken care of.

Make a cheat sheet that has a list of insurance policies, values, policy numbers, name and phone number of your agent, list of banks and account numbers, passwords if applicable. Maybe keep this info in a safe at home or the safe deposit box at the bank.

This takes several hours of effort to compile, but its a lot easier for you to do it now than for your wife to try to figure out after the coroner and cops leave the house.
 
So sorry to hear the sad news Sam, seems like a bad week all around.
 
Oh crap, haven't posted much here the past two days due to busy at work and other distractions, just saw the banner up top about John.

This topic has nothing to do with that and hope nothing was implied nor that the title isn't taken out of context.
 
"sigtauenus" said:
Oh crap, haven't posted much here the past two days due to busy at work and other distractions, just saw the banner up top about John.

This topic has nothing to do with that and hope nothing was implied nor that the title isn't taken out of context.
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Not at all. Your good.
 
You raise a good question.

Something we should all consider regardless of age.

Case in point:
My daughter had a lifelong friend killed by a drunk POS driver the same day John passed. He was hit from behind while at a red light on his motorcycle.

They went through ROTC together all through high school and both joined the military (her, Army him, Marines)

He was home on leave to help his dad recover from injuries sustained from being hit by a drunk driver on his motorcycle. He did two tours in Iraq.

23 years old.............
 
Very topical OP, and thanks. After my mom became ill, I prepared a text file with such critical information, which I printed out and stored in a safe place, updating as necessary, and kept it, in encrypted form, with a password only my wife knew, on her computer. We're divorcing now, but the principal is still sound. If something had happened to me, she would've been faced with my mom's care as well as continuing on and dealing with all our 'stuff'. Anything to ease that burden is the least one can do. I think spouses should do that for each other. Death is an equal opportunity purveyor. I learned this lesson from my parents, as my father did such for the family, markedly after he developed cancer. Mom reaped the benefits of those decisions for years after his death in peace of mind. I can only hope for the same for those who were so suddenly and brutally visited by death this week.
 
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. :sad

You do bring up a valid point. My father passed away last year, Aug 1st. He had nothing prepared. I couldn't find anything about life insurance, or burial wishes, etc. Nothing. The only thing I knew of was that he wanted his belongings and his car to be given to the homeless. I kept a few things for my own to remember him by and the rest was given away. The last thing I wanted to deal with was all that stuff while grieving. Nobody does. Luckily I had my husband with me who helped me through it. That brings up something else. I think everyone should discuss it with loved ones about how far to take life saving precautions. My father was on life support in a coma, and I had no idea what his wishes were for a case like that. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make and it would have been so much easier if I had just known for a fact it was what he would have wanted. Since then, I've asked my mother what her wishes were because you just never know. :sad
 
My wife leaves all this to me to look after, so everything that is important, as above, is contained in a letter that is with our wills, in a safe, at our family solicitors office.
The solicitor, my wife, my son and my brother know about this letter and what to do.
 
Is your wife ready for you to die?
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I know the answer to this question only because she's told me so.


Yes.


:lol


We've discussed every fine detail of where she'll immediately vacation (BTW, it's Jamaica). Who she'll "hook up with" at my wake (Sorry Duane, it's not you), and how long my life insurance policies (all three of them) will last her before she has to stop partying and find a new husband.

BTW, she has direction to seek advice IRT care/maintenance and possible disposition of my '66 and a rather large inventory of squirreled away Mustang parts with the members here.
 
"daveSanborn" said:
BTW, she has direction to seek advice IRT care/maintenance and possible disposition of my '66 and a rather large inventory of squirreled away Mustang parts with the members here.
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Have I told you how awesome you are? :coo

:lol :lol
 
I think this is right on track with what's going on.

When my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, we had talk after talk about what she wanted. It was her idea to start with and very uncomfortable for me in the beginning. I think that's why more people don't do it. But after a few talks it was easier for me. We discused everything from what kind of casket she wants to who will be the Pallbearer's. I know who she wants to get what and why. We talked about her care when it got bad and what the meaning of " quality of life " really meant to her.
Five years later she doesn't know anyones name but mine, doesn't know what year it is, who the president is, or even what a microwave oven is. Her memory is about 15sec. and she lives in the moment. She loves playing with her grandkids and honestly has the mentality of our 5 year old. My Mom is still with us but I can't ask her questions anymore or get advise. She has changed a lot in the past few years. They call Alzheimer's the long good by, and it is.

So yea. Talk things over with your loved ones before it's too late. I am so glad I did even though it hurt. My wife and I have our agreement ironed out, thanks to my Mom.
 
My wife and I have a trust, set up with an attorney, that spells out everything about who gets what. It also assigns medical power of attorney and we have documents that stipulate what we consider "quality of life." A good trust attorney can really help you get things straightened out and covered, so your loved ones have even less to worry about at your passing.
 
Thanks for the replies. Sounds like everybody who chimed in has things covered.

If you're reading this topic and haven't taken care of business, get it done. Now.
 
"daveSanborn" said:
Who she'll "hook up with" at my wake (Sorry Duane, it's not you),
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Yeah, but what about when you're passed out on the park bench?

As mentioned, everyone needs something put in place. Even if it's just you and your spouse a will stating everything to be left to him/her and organization of documents is important. You can draft your own will. You need two witnesses to sign in the presence of a notary.
 
I never even worried about having a will until the boys were born.

We lived two doors down from an attorney who specialized in that sort of thing but she was staying home due to their having a second child. She drafted us a will that included the trusts until the kids are 30, etc, etc. and I didn't have to pay the "big firm" fees for something that is basically a template that you fill out.

You have to review your will on a periodic basis though to make sure everything in there is still kosher...for example did you name a guardian for your kids that has died.

About once a quarter we go through and make sure we have all the bank statements in a particular place. This is not so much for my benefit or my wife's benefit because we know what accounts we have. This is for her folks and my folks on the off chance she and I were killed in the same car wreck or something along those lines.
 
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