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My life looks like my mustang

6

68angrypony

Member
Life? How?
Need some good old fashion advice.

My life looks like my 68 mustang at this point. Beat up and wanting to come to life.

I find myself in a place in life that I hate. I feel like the days are ticking down. I just can't seem to ever get momentum. I keep stuggling with the same issues and cant seem to figure out change. Reading solutions and other normal methods have not helped. So I will explain what's going on and hope people can give me some great advice/guidance/mentoring to move me out of my rut.

First off I will start with work: I have had a lot of jobs in my 28 years on this planet. From selling auto parts to running logistics at an 800k sqft Goodyear warehouse to real estate/securities/life ins ., to in out burger etc. I seem to be quick to move around and that causes irregular money flow that causes debt. Credit card income is not income lol. My problems/thinking is: I get scared of getting locked in to a life dependent on that income which forces me to stay there. I still don't really have any clue what I love to do and what a dream job would be for me. I currently am doing real estate but can't stay focused/motivated on doing it. I almost feel that I need a fast paced adrenaline job and/or a job that uses my brain. My ADD always places a part in my life. I just look around at the few friends I have and see them with money to blow while I'm selling things to pay my bills. I'm sick of it and want to find a way to have good money coming in be able to get a house. My goal has always been to hit the 250k mark, but I haven't even hit the 30k mark yet. How can I change my habits/fears/self talk/ mindset to get ahead?

The next thing to discuss is relationships. Ever since I was young I always focused on the pretty girls but never got them or any really. I was scared to talk to any throughout high school and till this day have never gone out and asked a girl for her number. Dunno what's off in my head but I sure would love to figure that out. My first real gf was at 19 and we dated on and off till I was 25. Feeling like you dont have skills with girls will let you settle for less than you should and I took so crap that really hurt me the last few years and ultimately ended in 2 day engagement and her going to another guy that she married and had a kid with etc. About a year later I found myself starting to date a girl I ran into from hs that liked me but never said n e thing back then. Long story short I knew I should not have been talking to her as any thing more than friends. She had a kid and was driving a bucket and working at bk while renting a room. Long story short out of loneliness I just went with it and been involved in that up and down relationship until a few weeks ago. When u feel u can't get the girls u want I guess u settle for what's there and that can never make a person happy. I'm tired of not being happy, not having confidence with women, not having dates and feeling like I can date the girls I am attrCted to and want to get to know, tired of being hurt with the scarcity mentality. How can I possibly get past this once and for all and start having amazing relationships?

Lastly, people. Whether it is family, friends, strangers. The lack of skills with dealing with other people seems to be the factor that probably directly influences the problems I have. It seems that I over think and over analyze, judge others, have irrational fears and automative responses probably as a result of the bad experiences I had with others growing up. I want to lose the fear and gain confidence with people. It would be awesome to be able to go out and have an idea of what to say or how to fit in without trying so hard to figure it out which seems to only outcast myself further. I would love to have a group of friends to do things with and other car enthusiasts to chit chat and wrench with. How can I get on the fast track to confidence with people and really win friends/build friendships and relationships?

Sorry for the randomness, but seriously I feel completely alone and stuck in life and I need to find some resources/strategies to start actually living and enjoying life, love, and all the great things life has to offer.
 
PM is being drafted. Keep an eye out for it. I'm 28, and feel your pain. I might be young but maybe I can help. Oh wait, I'm still 27, yeesh, see what I mean, life comes at ya too fast sometimes.
 
A hard one to answer.
I am not trying to be rude but i think -
You want too much, too soon without expending any effort.
You want the best job, woman, life without having anything to contribute.
How you change your "wants" to realistic levels, i dont know.
But i do know you wont be happy with the Supermodel girlfriend you want, as she will leave you for some knob with a fat wallet and a shiny suit.
The big job with the big income requires a degree or a trade certificate. Perhaps a revisit to theory that you must enjoy your job.
If you settle for doing the best you can and learn to spend less than you earn, you may gain a lot more satisfaction.
I know Council Workers with multiple investment properties and i know Bank Managers who rent the house they live in.
The most powerful tool you own is your mind and i think it needs to calm down.
Either that or start buying Lotto tickets, but i dont think a Gazillion dollars will help.
Good luck
 
"scedd" said:
A hard one to answer.
I am not trying to be rude but i think -
You want too much, too soon without expending any effort.
You want the best job, woman, life without having anything to contribute.
How you change your "wants" to realistic levels, i dont know.
But i do know you wont be happy with the Supermodel girlfriend you want, as she will leave you for some knob with a fat wallet and a shiny suit.
The big job with the big income requires a degree or a trade certificate. Perhaps a revisit to theory that you must enjoy your job.
If you settle for doing the best you can and learn to spend less than you earn, you may gain a lot more satisfaction.
I know Council Workers with multiple investment properties and i know Bank Managers who rent the house they live in.
The most powerful tool you own is your mind and i think it needs to calm down.
Either that or start buying Lotto tickets, but i dont think a Gazillion dollars will help.
Good luck
Click to expand...

I appreciate the input. A couple things I may have left out. I have a bachelors degree in marketing, I have a series 6, 63, life and health and real estate licensing. I have education. I worked 3 jobs and went to school full time and have the debt from school. I can learn and pass tests. I'm not looking for a free ride just something I can do that I am really good at and the ability to be confident and have confidence in what I am doing. Maybe growing u
With no father and just a mom caused me to have some issues but their has to be a way to straighten my mind and life.

I don't want a super model. Just a girl that's beautiful in my eyes and someone I look forward to being around. A girl who is my best friend but is my rock. A person who understands before they judge and push me to me a better person in every area of my life. My type is the pretty girl next door and not the supermodel.

I do agree I need to slow down but I guess without guidance and any mentoring growing up the tv raised me and I try to observe the rest. So I know I need to change what's going on upstairs and that's where I feel some input would be of assistance.
 
Have you looked into the military? Since you have a degree you can be an officer. In no time you will be making enough money to be living more than comfortably. You will see the world, meet life long friends, and probably find someone you will want to marry. Not to mention all the benefits that come with the military. 20 years later you can retire and still be young enough to start another career or doing nothing and live off your retirement. The military isn't the easiest but it is very rewarding.

"Some people live an entire lifetime and wonder if they have made a difference in the world. Marines don't have that problem."
President Reagan couldn't of said it any better.
 
Finding what you enjoy to do as a life profession vs finding a job that pays enough to live on are two different things most of the time. We all have a passion in life that we would love to do......but many do not find the job doing it so we settle for something that pays the bills. The passion can then turn into a hobby for some.

Sounds like you just need to stick to one secure job and get the finances secured. With that done, you then have the time to look for work that you enjoy. Trying different jobs as a second job without kicking the main job to the curb is better than bouncing around. The longer you move from job to job, the harder it will be to find a "good" job.

With a secure job, the finer things in life and relationships will happen. Pushing to hard for relationships can result in false hopes and fake fronts developing. Be yourself and date for fun, not for what you want for a life partner. You will be surprised at how relaxed that will be .

I think you might be looking to hard for the perfect life instead of working towards a life that will head you in the direction of that perfect life. It all does not come over night and sure as hell, once we find the "perfect" life, something changes it and we start again.

Friends come from common things you share an interest in. Hobbies and work, social life and entertainment.....whatever you have fun with. Go out and do things you enjoy and friends will develop along the way.

You are young.......things will come to you thru life from sources you may never consider. Keep an open mind and an open heart without so much preconceived ideas as to what you life should be and life will be more fun.

Life is not an easy ride so hang in there for the fun that will come.
 
I think if you did something to raise your confidence in yourself (join a sports team, take marital arts, join the military, etc)... it will carry over to the job world and relationships.
 
Rich has the answer, BUT, don't expect a magical switch to be flipped like a light. Give me some time and I'll shoot you a pm. Crazy how we seem to have a lot in common. I have slung tires, was L&H certified along with the 6 and 63, spent time on one of the upper floors of a big bank, yada-yada-yada. One of the basic problems is your expectations. I'll elaborate in the pm but until then, hang in there and look at what you DO HAVE, not what you don't have. Check out what Rich is talking about also.
 
"mustangstofear" said:
All your problems could be solved through GOD. One of my favorite songs is CRY OUT TO JESUS by Third Day. Rich.
Click to expand...

Great reply :thu
Bill
 
With regards to a career.....Ever hear the AC/DC song "it's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll?"

Success doesn't happen over night. You have to pay your dues to get where ever you want to be. I got out of school and started studying for the CPA exam but nothing happened overnight. I had to go through a really long road in public accounting firms to get the job I have today.

Am I in love with my job? Nope, far from it...but it pays the bills and has benefits so on the 23rd (in three days) I will be hitting my eight year anniversary here. If I were to somehow win the lottery I'd quit tomorrow and go find something I truly loved to do but until then knowing the bills are paid helps me sleep at night.

I found with women that until you are content with yourself you'll never attract the "right girl" who by the way is probably not the mega hot super model. Most of those type women are high maintenance pre-Madonas (sp?) and frankly you can have them.

Myself, I dated the same girl for a long time in high school but when we hit college sort of grew apart. For a long while after that I stayed way far away from commitment and spent years in a long string of short relationships and one night stands. Believe it or not, meaningless one night stands get old after a while.

So when I got to the later part of college I lost interest in chasing skirts and focused on getting out of school and building a career. Note by the way, hopping from one job to another is not building a career.

I was perfectly happy and content with myself when I met my wife. I was not even looking to meet someone. Being in a relationship is not all it's cracked up to be...sometimes I wish I had just stayed single and stress free...just sayin...

I had a buddy back in high school that always seemed desperate to have a girl friend when he was between gf's and it was like he judged his entire self image on who he was dating. I swore I'd never be like that and learned to be content regardless of who I was or was not dating because my buddy always came across as kind of pathetic to me in a way.
 
I give you a lot of credit for coming forward with your problems. That alone is a big step. While you will get some good advice here, you might be better off seeking a professional therapist. I think Kat nailed it when she said you could use a burst of self confidence. I don't think anyone can argue that when you feel good about yourself, life is better. Hang in there and good luck.
 
Hey, man. I agree with what Rich said, but want to add something. One of the great things about being on the planet is being part of a community. Aside from the obvioius spiritual benefit, a church can be a great community where you can be a part of a group of peers that are dealing with the same life issues as you are. The military is also a good place to have that kind of group of peers. While someone has mentioned therapy, for some, there is no better therapy than friends who are in the same shoes.

On the professional side, my father told me something when I was a teenager that I think about all the time. If you are looking for your job to be the main source of your self esteem and enjoyment of life, you are barking up the wrong tree. Those things come from family first. Dad alway said that it is better to work to live, than to live to work. I have a career that I enjoy where I get to use what I have learned to help people. I also make a really good living. I have also had jobs I loved that paid almost nothing. If I did not have friends and a family that I care about, none of that would matter.

On the financial side, my advice is to cut up the credit cards right now. In today's world you need to have credit cards to live, but carrying a balance on those cards will suck the life blood out of you. Those credit card companies are modern highway bandits and they will steal your future if you let them. It takes discipline, but come up with a plan to get rid of that debt as fast as you can, even if it requires sacrifice today. Consult with a professional if you need to, but get the credit card bandits out of your life.

Getting involved in a church will change your life for the better. Go volunteer with Habitat for Humanity to build a house. Service in the military would also be a great thing. You know what these have in common? They both involve service to a cause that is greater than your own self interest. I think that this is the key.

If none of that works, try heroin. Just kidding. Don't start with heroin, you should work up to it. (see, I cant get through a post without some kind of smarta$$ joke. At least i did not say that your life could be worse: you could be Mark) hang in there.
 
"ko67" said:
If none of that works, try heroin. Just kidding. Don't start with heroin, you should work up to it. (see, I cant get through a post without some kind of smarta$$ joke. At least i did not say that your life could be worse: you could be Mark) hang in there.
Click to expand...

I lost it on this. For a brief minute I thought someone hijacked your account. First 4 paragraphs were great advice.
 
"ko67" said:
If none of that works, try heroin. Just kidding. Don't start with heroin, you should work up to it. (see, I cant get through a post without some kind of smarta$$ joke. At least i did not say that your life could be worse: you could be Mark) hang in there.
Click to expand...

Yet another sign of a great performer, way to close strong. Some good insightful advice and then the big finish.
 
"AzPete" said:
Finding what you enjoy to do as a life profession vs finding a job that pays enough to live on are two different things most of the time. We all have a passion in life that we would love to do......but many do not find the job doing it so we settle for something that pays the bills. The passion can then turn into a hobby for some.

Sounds like you just need to stick to one secure job and get the finances secured. With that done, you then have the time to look for work that you enjoy. Trying different jobs as a second job without kicking the main job to the curb is better than bouncing around. The longer you move from job to job, the harder it will be to find a "good" job.

With a secure job, the finer things in life and relationships will happen. Pushing to hard for relationships can result in false hopes and fake fronts developing. Be yourself and date for fun, not for what you want for a life partner. You will be surprised at how relaxed that will be .

I think you might be looking to hard for the perfect life instead of working towards a life that will head you in the direction of that perfect life. It all does not come over night and sure as hell, once we find the "perfect" life, something changes it and we start again.

Friends come from common things you share an interest in. Hobbies and work, social life and entertainment.....whatever you have fun with. Go out and do things you enjoy and friends will develop along the way.

You are young.......things will come to you thru life from sources you may never consider. Keep an open mind and an open heart without so much preconceived ideas as to what you life should be and life will be more fun.

Life is not an easy ride so hang in there for the fun that will come.
Click to expand...

+1 here ! well spoken !!
 
How is it I get dragged into every conversation? Ya just can't answer the kid's questions......


Don't listen to these guys, build a track car and go out and pass someone....anyone. It'll make you feel better, so I've heard.










and just to be clear, that's all tongue in cheek :thu
 
There is a lot of good advice here. When I find I need a little grounding, I read a book called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie. I think its out of print but I got a used copy on Amazon. Its all common sense but its easy to forget common sense. Its been a big help for me to stay focused. Good luck man, we've all been there.
 
I have been in your shoes. I too hold a degree and fealt just like you at a point in my life.
Pm me if you want to talk. I prefer phone over email. If you want to talk pm me your phone number. I think I can help
 
"scedd" said:
A hard one to answer.
I am not trying to be rude but i think -
You want too much, too soon without expending any effort.
You want the best job, woman, life without having anything to contribute.
How you change your "wants" to realistic levels, i dont know.
But i do know you wont be happy with the Supermodel girlfriend you want, as she will leave you for some knob with a fat wallet and a shiny suit.
The big job with the big income requires a degree or a trade certificate. Perhaps a revisit to theory that you must enjoy your job.
If you settle for doing the best you can and learn to spend less than you earn, you may gain a lot more satisfaction.
I know Council Workers with multiple investment properties and i know Bank Managers who rent the house they live in.
The most powerful tool you own is your mind and i think it needs to calm down.
Either that or start buying Lotto tickets, but i dont think a Gazillion dollars will help.
Good luck
Click to expand...

First off Thank you everyone for taking your time to read this thread and give a stranger so words of your wisdom. In regards to the quote:

I have definitely wanted a lot in a short period of time. I never did drugs, smoked, drank, got into trouble. I was always thinking of how I could better myself and my life. I am not afraid to work and most of the time out work all around me. My problem is finding something I want to work hard at. I go up into my head and don't always take many actions. This causes me to feel like I am focusing a lot but getting little accomplished. To this day I wish I had a mentor to break me of some of my short comings and get me on track. Working on a farm, sweeping a shop, Just seems that I feel I need someone who has their act together to watch me a bit and get me on the right track. Like I have said I spent 6 years getting my BA, working 3 jobs and going to school full time while graduating with a 3.5 gpa and shortly their after getting my life and health ins license, series 6 and 63 for securities, and a real estate license. Yet I feel like I have never been truly challenged to know my potential to gain confidence in myself and really have belief in my abilities and skill sets.

I do want the best of everything. Why settle? but the best to me and the best to the next guy is two totally different worlds. Right now the best to me is a supportive woman I would be attracted to and who would have that unconditional love I believe is possible, Right now getting my 68 to move 1 inch would be the best, I don't know what the best job is so I know I haven't wanted that now. I have hesitated with commitment cause I want to do things right the first time around but thats my short coming. I want to believe if I try and work hard enough I can inch towards the things I want in life. I know I focus on way to many things but I don't know how to sort it all and make priorities. I am trying to figure out the core blocks of life to build from. I believe confidence, a positive disposition, and figuring out what I actually like/love to do would be a start.

I will always believe that 250K is possible. If people can gain billions I don't think my goal is astronomical. If I had lived a little outside my bubble growing up I might have got to travel or get into more sports or activities to learn more of what I like and dislike. I am probably one of the more conservative people you will ever meet. I know how to make a dollar stretch. When you grow up with nothing you learn quickly to pick up the pennies so you can get a treat from the ice cream man etc. I only have debt because my income is so inconsistent. My spending is in check and I have never once been late on a bill or payment to anything. I do believe I have some form of greatness in me and I just need to get it out. I know I am a little lost right now and I know that in life their are times were life clicks and I am hoping to hit that point soon. Finding a few good mentors or having a good support network is something I would love to build as well.
 
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