• Hello there guest and Welcome to The #1 Classic Mustang forum!
    To gain full access you must Register. Registration is free and it takes only a few moments to complete.
    Already a member? Login here then!

Typical, But Still Unbelievable

Laurie S.

Laurie S.

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Moderator
I'm often asked if I have any family. It's a hard question to answer. Technically, I do, and they all live in Tucson. My cousin and I are both only children and were like brother and sister growing up. I'm 18 months older than he is. When my mother was alive, they would come to our house and we would be invited to theirs, theirs being my cousin, his wife, and kids. His father also would be there.

But when my mother passed away in 1998, my father and I became personas non grata. In fact, when my father suffered the double stroke in 2008, from which he died 10 days later, I questioned if I should let them know. A very close friend said to do so, and they came to the hospice many times. I thought that now that I was alone, that I would be invited to family things again. But, no, it never happened other than being invited to my uncle's 90th birthday party two years ago.

Today, my cousin called me to let know about the graveside memorial service for my uncle. He died May 31st and no one told me.

I know how to answer that question now.
 
That's tough. Though I don't know all the nuances of why the 2 families went separate ways, you could always take the direct approach and tell your cousin how finding out after the fact made you feel (in the future, post grieving). And that you miss being involved with his family and would like to be closer again.

Family stuff is always complicated. Sorry for your situation.
 
Every situation is different and has its own history. My family is also very small and fractured. I chose a long time ago to not hold any grudges or allow things to create obstacles between myself and those few family members I have left. I reach out on birthdays or other such events whether or not it is always reciprocal or not doesn't matter. If I didn't I am sure everyone would drift apart and be lost. I can overlook all the petty stuff for a few hours once and a while to keep those connections. Most of the time I receive back enough enjoyment to make it worth the effort.

I think the old Golden Rule in some fashion applies in these cases.
 
Laurie:

Consider it a two way street. Invite them over.

Sometimes it just takes someone to make the first move.
 
They've been invited many times, including to my house in Mexico. They always say great, but never come. No more.
 
Laurie,

Never give up on them. I know it will be hard but be the one that is open. Maybe someday they will come back.

I have a friend at church that for years his ex (who divorced him) and her husband always were rude and treated him like crap at family functions. Last month at their son's wedding, they both apologized for all the years of pain they caused.

If they never come around, you can know that you always did the right thing. It is always tough how family can treat each other.

I will say a prayer for your family tonight.
 
I'll always be here for them, but I have no expectations. They are a very different family from what we were. My cousin was terribly spoiled, but he turned out pretty good despite that. I remember at Christmas seeing tons of presents under their tree. His mother wrapped every single thing, including every item that went in the Christmas stockings. I am talking 100 gifts and am not kidding. As a child, I typically received five or six things, half of which were clothing.

We were pretty close when I moved to Tucson and he and his wife and I would go out dancing at different country bars. I usually could pick up someone to dance with there or my cousin would take turns with us. I would go to the movies with his wife and other places. But then, they had their first of two children and it all ended, not surprisingly. She had a different circle of friends who had kids. I was a professional with a business.

But, because they knew my father would be very generous at birthday and Christmas time, they stayed close. After my mother died, he got fed up with the one-way street and stopped sending money. So, they stopped coming by. They are very selfish and self-centered. I've always known that.

So, it goes on and I don't see it changing. In fact, when I suggested they come down and enjoy my house and boat with us in Mexico, they said oh they could just borrow the keys and go down themselves sometime like they do with a friend who has a place in Rocky Point. I don't rent out my house and loan it out, so that sure isn't happening.

Life goes on.
 
Laurie

I have but one uncle and his son (my cousin) on my fathers side. That is the extent of that line of the family. They live just a two hour drive from me. In the near thirty years I have lived in this area they have NEVER once driven up to see me for any reason. Not a holiday. Not a kids birthday. Nothing. If I want to see them I have to make the trip. We do it at least four times a year just to keep that connection alive. The visits are great and enjoyed by all. Each time they say "we have to come up to see you next time" but it never happens. And that's OK to me by now. Life is too short to get upset over stuff like that. I know my dad would appreciate that I try to maintain a relationship with his brother and that is why I do what I do.

Take from it what you can and be happy for what, if anything, you get in return.
 
I'll go against the grain here and say kick'em to the curb. That's what I've had to do several times through the years and don't feel bad about it. Besides Laurie...you have more than enough family here. :beer
 
Be the bigger person and show up for the memorial service, after it is over go on your way and feel good about extending yourself.
 
You do know, right, that Craig and I are half-brothers?

Laurie: I'm sorry for you and your dysfunctional family. I too have one and try to put it aside from my daily thoughts...it works, somehow. But...it sounds like you're about to enter into a new family so go and have a good time!
 
That's the way families go sometimes and I have a cousin like that.

He's a little less than a year older than I am. We were pretty close when we were younger.

We used to all get together for the holidays, etc when my grandmother was still living. However, after my grandmother died I almost never see my aunt / uncle any more and haven't seen my cousin in years.

The additional back story though on my cousin is he got divorced after he caught his wife cheating on him. Post divorce he went a little nuts. He drinks way to much (think alcoholic) and started getting a ton of tattoos, etc, etc.

It's a shame but life goes on...I don't sit around crying about his not wanting to be a member of the larger family any more and pray he'll one day get his stuff straightened out and gets his head screwed back on straight.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top