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Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

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fd
 
A woman tries getting on a bus, but realizes her skirt is too tight, as the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

She tried to take the step, but only to discover that she couldn't. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

After becoming quite frustrated and embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt more in order to allow more leg room to get on the first step of the bus.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus,

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured we were friends.
 
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.
As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, “I have a dead pussy.”
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, “Sit with my wife.
You two have a lot in common.”

fd
 
Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said:

“Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat.”
 
Robin said to Batman,

"Batman, why do you wear dark colours?"

"Easy Robin, it makes me less likely to be shot"

"Then why do I wear bright colours?"

"It also makes me less likely to be shot."
 
An exercise for people who are out of shape:

Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
 
Paddy wanted to start a chicken farm, so he went to the dealer and brought 100 chickens.
A month later he went back to the dealer because the first lot of chickens had died and brought 100 more.
Again another month later he went back because the 2nd lot had died also, upon purchasing the 3rd lot, Paddy said
"You know I think I know where I'm going wrong" .....
'I think I'm planting them too deep'
 
My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid ..

“State of the art” he said, “ it cost me an absolute fortune “”

“That’s brilliant dad , what type is it “???

“It’s 2:30 “he replied
 
I once donated a kidney and everyone said I was so selfless and that I was a hero.

Later that month I donated three more and all of a sudden I'm some kind of psychopathic monster and now the police are involved.
 
Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where an old-timer is having breakfast.

One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy’s pancakes. The second biker spits a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffee. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor.

Without a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves.

“Not much of a man, was he?” says one of the bikers.

“Not much of a driver, either,” says the waitress. “He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”
 
Happy New Year to you and all fixers. !!
And thanks for all those jokes

Verstuurd vanaf mijn SM-A605FN met Tapatalk
 
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