• Hello there guest and Welcome to The #1 Classic Mustang forum!
    To gain full access you must Register. Registration is free and it takes only a few moments to complete.
    Already a member? Login here then!

Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

Returning after their Summer break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona.

Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to looks like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear nametags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is ok now. They do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they jump up and down in it with their hats on. At the gate there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out and go cruising in their golf carts.

Nobody there cooks. They just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night--early birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring back food to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked hard all of his life to earn his retardment and says that I should work hard too so I can be retarded someday too.

When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.​
 
Last edited:
A truck driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride. A ways down the road the truck driver saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He turned the truck on a direct course with the lawyer. Then he thought ‘Oh no, I have a priest in the truck. I can’t run down this lawyer!’ and at the last second the truck driver swerved to miss the lawyer. But, the truck driver heard a thump outside of the truck. He looked in his rear-view mirror but didn’t see anything.

He turned to the priest and said ‘Sorry Father, I just missed that lawyer at the side of the road.’ The priest said ‘Don’t worry son, I got him with my door’
 
There I was at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?", he says, as I burst into tears.
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I am a complete failure.
I was late for a meeting and the boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance.
I left my wallet I took in the cab home, I found my wife with another man and my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, put a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve, and then you show up and drink the whole thing!.
But enough about me, how's your day going?"
 
My wife was watching a movie when she said she wanted a man that could take her breath away. I farted and she left the room. Apparently that's not what she meant.
 
Last edited:
A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and
his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered,
“I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
“Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just
to be sure." He sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, your son.
Several days later, he received an email from
his Mother which read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow…
Love,
Mom.
 
This is the story of blonde trying for her pilots licence flying in a two-seater airplane with just the training pilot. Twenty minutes into the flight the pilot clutches his chest, has a heart attack and dies.

She, frantic, calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead” and I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.

'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "Repeat after me........Our Father who art in Heaven........."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top