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Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

Aussie67

Well-Known Member
Chance Supermarket Encounter

Woman: “Hi there!”

Man: “Do you know me?”

Woman: “I think you’re the father of one of my kids!”

Man: “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?”

Woman: “No. I’m your son’s teacher.”
 

Aussie67

Well-Known Member
A man’s printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.

A friendly young man informed him, “Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.”

Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, “Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage business?”

“Actually, it was my boss’s idea,” said the young employee. “He says that if we let people try to fix things themselves first, we end up making even more money!”
 

Aussie67

Well-Known Member
A drunkard was brought to court for drunken behaviour.

The Judge addressed the drunkard, "You have been brought here for drinking."

Drunkard, "Thank you very much your honour. Let's start."

All, present in the court, burst out laughing.

Banging the gavel, the Judge said, "Order."

Drunkard, "For me Whiskey with Soda please."
 

Aussie67

Well-Known Member
A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man’s car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly neither of them was hurt.

After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, “Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

The man replied, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”
The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of 75-year-old scotch didn’t break. Surely God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune.”


Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opened it, drank half the bottle, and then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

She replies, “Nah. I think I’ll just wait for the police.”
 

Aussie67

Well-Known Member
Last night I was drunk and told myself I needed to stop drinking. I went into the fridge the next day and grabbed a beer.

Cause I'm not going to listen to a f*&^%ing drunk talking to themselves.
 
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