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Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
 
I can't stand those people who hate football but still go along to games to deliberately cause trouble and ruin them for everybody else......................................
"Bloody referees".......!!!
 
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Sent from my motorola one 5G using Tapatalk
 
I was sitting on a bench in the park next to a homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way.

He said: Up until Last week, I still had it all!!! A cook, cooked my meals, my room was cleaned, my clothes were washed, pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV, Internet, I went to the gym, the pool, the library, I could still go to school.

I asked him, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?

Oh No, nothing like that he said. No, no ... I got out of prison!!
 
In a recent survey carried out for the leading toiletries firm 'Brut', people from Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

In the survey, 86% of Chicago's residents (almost all of whom are registered Democrats) say that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.

The other 14% said they hadn’t been to prison yet.
 
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. “I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.”

“But I could be dead by then!”

“No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment.”
 
A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking doctors and asks nervously "Is there a problem?"

The head surgeon says gently, with tears in his eyes "I'm afraid so...I'm sorry but your notes got mixed up and we've given you a sex change instead of a vasectomy"
The patient is devastated and shockingly replies "Do you mean to say I'll never experience another erection?"

The surgeon pauses for a moment, then says "Well, you might, but it won't be yours!!..
 
A Wyoming Rancher

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue. What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U.S. Forest Service.

All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.

Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you understand our problem here. These coyotes ain't f-in' our sheep; they're eatin' 'em!"

The meeting never really got back to order.
 
A Japanese man hailed a cab and told the driver to take him to the airport. During the journey, a Nissan drove past the taxi. The Japanese man said to the driver "Nissan, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man told the driver "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi overtook the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese said to the driver "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi got to the airport. The fare was over $300.

The Japanese exclaimed, "Why so expensive?"

The driver said "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"
 
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