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Most definitely politically incorrect, racist and offensive jokes

Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

Woman goes into a shoe shop and sees a gorgeous pair of white stilettos.

She asks what are they made of.

The assistant said they were made from human skin and cost $1500.00 a pair.

The woman said she could not afford that.

The assistant said says 'Don't worry, we have them in black for $4.99.
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.

Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it.

Eventually, she had enough, and pulled the emergency cord.

The Muslim glared at her and said, "You'll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid Catholic bitch."

She laughed and said, "When I cry out rape and they smell your fingers, you'll get ten years, you towel-headed camel fucker!"
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

"70 StangMan" said:
A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.

Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it.

Eventually, she had enough, and pulled the emergency cord.

The Muslim glared at her and said, "You'll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid Catholic bitch."

She laughed and said, "When I cry out rape and they smell your fingers, you'll get ten years, you towel-headed camel fucker!"
Click to expand...


That's some funny shit right there!
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

family_guy_thats_nasty1_Memebase_4-s480x306-145521.jpg
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg."
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I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!
At least I presume she was poor ------- she only had $1.20 in her purse.
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My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend ...... yet!
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Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?
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The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back..


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There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
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A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a mustache."
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Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook.
I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!"
Next thing I know 4,000 dumbass Muslims have added me as a friend!
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Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk,
"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick bastard."
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The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

An Avon lady was alone in an elevator when suddenly she had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with an Avon pine scented deodorizer. Two floors later, a gentleman got on the elevator.He began to sniff, and the Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something?"

"Well, yes I do," he replied.

"What does it smell like," she asked?

The bemused man answered, "I'm not sure, but it kind of smells like someone shit under a Christmas tree."
 
Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises.

Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.

fd
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

"FordDude" said:
I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises.

Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.

fd
Click to expand...
:yah :yah :yah :yah :yah :thu
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

"FordDude" said:
I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises.

Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.

fd
Click to expand...

You're a clean up kinda guy huh?
 
Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

A city slicker named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him to the local rodeo especially to see the greatest bucking bronco of all time, Blue Steel.

Blue Steel was famed and renowned throughout the West for being the toughest meanest horse there ever was. He had seen off so many would-be riders that the rodeo organizers had promised $10,000 for anyone who could ride him just for 10 seconds.

That afternoon, all the local Cowboys tried their best but Blue Steel lived up to his reputation and threw them all off with the greatest of ease.

As a joke, the organizers then offered the prize to anyone in the crowd who would dare to tangle with such a beast.

Up jumped Tommy and of course everyone laughed at him. But the organizers decided to let the city boy have a try.

Blue Steel bucked and lunged but Tommy not only stayed on the horse for 10 seconds but he stayed on for 20 seconds, then 30, then a minute! A few minutes more and Blue Steel was so exhausted he calmed down and Tommy rode him all around the ring like a birthday party pony.

Everyone was astonished.

"Considering you've never even sat on a horse before," said Tommy's friends, "how on earth did you manage that?"

"Easy," said Tommy, "my wife's an epileptic."

fd
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

"FordDude" said:
A city slicker named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him to the local rodeo especially to see the greatest bucking bronco of all time, Blue Steel.

Blue Steel was famed and renowned throughout the West for being the toughest meanest horse there ever was. He had seen off so many would-be riders that the rodeo organizers had promised $10,000 for anyone who could ride him just for 10 seconds.

That afternoon, all the local Cowboys tried their best but Blue Steel lived up to his reputation and threw them all off with the greatest of ease.

As a joke, the organizers then offered the prize to anyone in the crowd who would dare to tangle with such a beast.

Up jumped Tommy and of course everyone laughed at him. But the organizers decided to let the city boy have a try.

Blue Steel bucked and lunged but Tommy not only stayed on the horse for 10 seconds but he stayed on for 20 seconds, then 30, then a minute! A few minutes more and Blue Steel was so exhausted he calmed down and Tommy rode him all around the ring like a birthday party pony.

Everyone was astonished.

"Considering you've never even sat on a horse before," said Tommy's friends, "how on earth did you manage that?"

"Easy," said Tommy, "my wife's an epileptic."

fd
Click to expand...
:yah :yah :yah
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
6. In South Africa they didn't know what "please" meant.
7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
8. In Australia they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent
 
Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

If Iran wants Nuclear weapons, that's is ok with U.S.A.

Just tell us where to drop them.

fd
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your Dad home?"
"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'

The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

How do you starve an Obama supporter?

It's really very simple.


Just hide their food stamps under their work shoes.
 
Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

A lawyer finds out he has an inoperable brain tumor. It's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains. There's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff! How come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

fd
 
Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits, had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!

Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my defense.... when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.

The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?" Apparently, "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the right answer.

fd
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

"FordDude" said:
What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits, had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!

Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my defense.... when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.

The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?" Apparently, "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the right answer.

fd
Click to expand...
:yah :yah :yah
 
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