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Bday cake for a certain Fix'er

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[move]fd[/move]
 

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"S8NS 289" said:
Wus da night afo' Crizzmus, and all thru da hood,
everybody be sleepin' and da sleepin' be good.
We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck,
dat dear Ol' Obama's, gunna brang us our checks.

All of da family, was ly'in on the flow,
my sister wif her gurlfriend, and my brother wif some hoe.
Ashtrays was all full , empty beer cans and all
when I heared such a fuss, I thunk...."Sh'eet, it
must be da law".

I pulled the sheet off da windoe and what I'ze could see,
I was spectin' the sherrif, wif a warrent fo' me.
But what did I see, made me say, "Laaawd look at dat".
dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by 8 big-ass rats.

Now over all of da years, Santy Claws he be white,
but it looks like us brotha's, got a black un' tonight.
Faster than a poe'lice car, my homeboy he came,
and whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name.

On Biden, On Jessie, On Polosi and Hillary Who
On Fannie, On Freddi, On Ayers, and Slick Willy too.
Obama landed dat melon, right there in da street,
I knowed it fo' sho', - can you believe that Sh'eet!.

Dat Santy didn't need no chimney, he picked da lock on my doe,
an I sez to myself, "Son o' bitch...he don did dis befoe!"
He had a big bag, full of presents - at first I suspeck?
Wif "Air Jordans" and fake gold, to wear roun my neck.

But he left me no presents, just started stealin my shit.
He got my guns and my crack, and my new burglers kit.
Den, wif my crap in his bag, out da windoe he flew,
I sho' woulda shanked him, be he snagged my knife too.

He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch,
and waz gone in two seconds, "democrat son of a bitch."
So nex year I be hopin', a white Santy we git,
'cause a black Santy Claws, just ain't worf a shit.'
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I love it, but I could never remember it (but I'm gonna try). Good form!
 
A Tuner's Night Before Christmass

"Twas the night before Christmas and caught at the light,
Was a domestic V8 and no cops in sight,
I will try, I will try with this 2 liter motor,
To beat this darn Mustang, even with it's big blower.
As light goes to green and I pull like no joke,
The Mustang erupts in clouds of tire smoke.
Now Smasher, now Rev-ver, now Stroker, now Blitzin,
These are the names of my four VTEC pistons.
Racing ahead I'm the Star of the action,
But I know I'm in trouble when that blown Mustang gets traction.
Grabbing second, I hear the RPM sing,
My rearview mirror is blocked by my Shopping Kart Wing.

I now hear the roar, of that big monster gaining.
All I can do is keep that four-banger straining.
In a second, the Shockwave hits with a blast,
And my stickers go flying, now a thing of the past.

Don't bother with third, 'cause now it's too late,
Just try to act cool, like you can relate.

Looking up at the taillights as they get smaller,
The driver backs off just to give me a holler,
"You can't win them all," he says in fling,
"You may not win any in that silly thing,"

I scowled and I revved and let out a sigh,
& did my classic trademark high speed fly-by,
Then I smiled and revved as I pulled out of sight,
With my new mods tomorrow, it will be a better night."
 
Shit, I've started something. Someone needs to publish these as ughhhhhh naughty Christmas cards. I bet they would sale.
 
Looks like the gt500cr I won is just the right scale for my son's new toys from his secret santa at school......normally I yell at him not to play with my collectable scale replicas (aka daddy's toys) but this was just too cute to find on my desk this morning.
 

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"Kats66Pny" said:
:wtf If she's gonna put out, who cares what she's wearing.
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I dont care if it comes with an oil change and car wash, I dont want anything thats packaged in pajama jeans........I'm no Sandborn.....
 
"Fast68back" said:
I dont care if it comes with an oil change and car wash, I dont want anything thats packaged in pajama jeans........I'm no Sandborn.....
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I forgot we had Brad Pitt posting here :sarc

I don't know about you but I normally look at different types of people to polish my knob as opposed to the ones working on my car.
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"Opentracker" said:
That is just totally wrong, I would never use a brush on my car.
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I have the right equipment for the job and my fleet needs a little cleaning so I would be more than happy to show her how to handle things correctly.

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"dodgestang" said:
I have the right equipment for the job and my fleet needs a little cleaning so I would be more than happy to show her how to handle things correctly.

DSC09399.JPG
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.....that will stop the wife from yelling.......
 
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