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Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £30. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love of Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."​
 
A man is in court for murder and the judge says, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the court says, "You b*stard."
The judge continues, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer."
Again the voice at the back of the court says, "You b*stard."
The judge says, "We cannot have any more of these outbursts from you. What is the problem?"
The man at the back of the court says, "Fifteen years I lived next door to that b*stard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one!"
 
For weeks have been trying to get an appointment with my Doctor.
Finally I saw him Today, dropped my pants and showed him the nasty rash on my baxxs.
But he ignored me and continued pushing his shopping trolley around Costco.
 
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
“Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?”
The cowboy turned back and said,…
“I had to walk home.”
 
John was given a parrot as a gift, but it wasn’t your average bird. This parrot had an attitude as bad as its language. Every squawk it made was rude, offensive, and laced with profanity. Determined to reform the unruly bird, John tried everything. He spoke in calm and polite tones, played soothing music, and spent hours encouraging better behaviour. Yet, no matter what he did, the parrot’s behavior remained as outrageous as ever.

One day, after another round of vile squawking, John finally snapped. He yelled at the parrot, but the bird only yelled back, louder and nastier. Frustrated, John picked up the parrot and gave it a shake, hoping to scare it into better manners. Instead, the parrot became even more furious and offensive. Out of options, John decided on a drastic measure. He opened the freezer, placed the squawking parrot inside, and shut the door. At first, the parrot’s protests were deafening, it squawked, kicked, and screamed. But then, abruptly, there was silence.

John panicked. What if he’d gone too far and hurt the bird? He quickly opened the freezer. To his surprise, the parrot stepped out calmly onto his arm, a completely changed creature. In a composed and respectful tone, the parrot said, “I realize my behaviour has been unacceptable. I sincerely apologize for my rudeness and promise to be polite and respectful from now on.”

John was dumbfounded. He couldn’t believe the transformation. Just as he was about to ask what had caused such a dramatic change, the parrot leaned in and whispered, “By the way… what did the turkey do?"​
 
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