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Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

Aussie67

Well-Known Member
A major International company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of the world.

In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job.

The question was: A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back. What is the man's name?

After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers.

The first from Canada, says "My answer is, there IS no answer."
The second, from New Zealand, says My answer is, that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given."
The third one from Australia says "I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names.
It's either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer."
 

sgtjunior

Well-Known Member
A teacher asks each of the kids in her class what they need at home.

Joey said, "A computer."

The teacher replied, "Yes, Joey, that would be very useful."



Jenny said, "A new lawn mower."

The teacher again replied, "Yes, Jenny, that also would be very useful."


Little Johnny popped up and said, "At my house we don't need anything!"

Shocked because Little Johnny’s family was quite poor, the teacher asked, “Johnny, your family must need something. Everyone needs something.”

Little Johnny replied, "Nope, I'm sure we don't. When Mm told Dad she was pregnant again, I clearly remember my dad saying, 'Well, that's the last fucking thing we needed!'"
 

Aussie67

Well-Known Member
Paddy had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his wife had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what ? '

What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. 'I'm beginning to think you're fkin bad luck..
 

Aussie67

Well-Known Member
Pregnant Prostitute

Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?”

"For gosh sakes, if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?”
 

Aussie67

Well-Known Member
Two little girls are making friends in the school playground.
"What does your Daddy do for a living?" asks Sally.
"He's a magician," says Emma.
"Ooh," says Sally, "and what's his best trick?"
"Sawing people in half," replies Emma.
"And do you have any other family?" asks Sally.
"Yes," says Emma, "I have a half -brother and two half -sisters."
 

Aussie67

Well-Known Member
Guys, if you're trying to meet a cool woman, look for a gal out walking her dog.
She's active, clearly has great taste in animals AND she's already prepared to pick up sh** off the street - this is your chance:
 

Aussie67

Well-Known Member
My ex said "you remind me of the sea", I asked if it was because I am deep stormy and tempestuous. She said "no, you make me sick "
 
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