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Joke of the day - Add your jokes here
- Thread starter Aussie67
- Start date
fd
Zebra in heaven
The Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.
As he enters, he asks St. Peter, “I have a question that's haunted me all
of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with
white stripes?”
St. Peter said, “That's a question only God can answer.”r>
So the zebra went off in search of God.
When he found Him, the zebra asked, “God, please - I must know am I white
with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?”
God simply replied “You are what you are.”
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him. “Well, did
God straighten out your query for you?”
The zebra looked puzzled. No sir, God simply said “You are what you
are.''
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, “Well then, there you are, You are
white with black stripes.”
The zebra asked St. Peter, “How do you know that for certain?”
'Because, said St. Peter, “If you were black with white stripes, God would
have said, “You is what you is.”
WARNING: If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Wright and Obama will be comin after yo white ass!!!
fd
The Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.
As he enters, he asks St. Peter, “I have a question that's haunted me all
of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with
white stripes?”
St. Peter said, “That's a question only God can answer.”r>
So the zebra went off in search of God.
When he found Him, the zebra asked, “God, please - I must know am I white
with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?”
God simply replied “You are what you are.”
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him. “Well, did
God straighten out your query for you?”
The zebra looked puzzled. No sir, God simply said “You are what you
are.''
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, “Well then, there you are, You are
white with black stripes.”
The zebra asked St. Peter, “How do you know that for certain?”
'Because, said St. Peter, “If you were black with white stripes, God would
have said, “You is what you is.”
WARNING: If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Wright and Obama will be comin after yo white ass!!!
fd
Going to Heaven
A German Shepherd, Doberman and a cat have died.
All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in.
The German shepherd says: "I believe in discipline training and loyalty to my master."
"Good," says God. "Then sit down on my right side. Doberman, what do you believe in?"
The Doberman answers: "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master."
Ah," said God. "You may sit to my left."
Then he looks at the cat and asks, "And what do you believe in?"
The cat answers: "I believe you're sitting in my seat."
A German Shepherd, Doberman and a cat have died.
All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in.
The German shepherd says: "I believe in discipline training and loyalty to my master."
"Good," says God. "Then sit down on my right side. Doberman, what do you believe in?"
The Doberman answers: "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master."
Ah," said God. "You may sit to my left."
Then he looks at the cat and asks, "And what do you believe in?"
The cat answers: "I believe you're sitting in my seat."
Aussie67
Well-Known Member
Aussie67
Well-Known Member
Aussie67
Well-Known Member
fd
Aussie67
Well-Known Member
“The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday."
This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Australian youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari’s existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for!
At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's lady in the shower.
This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Australian youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari’s existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for!
At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's lady in the shower.
Aussie67
Well-Known Member
A friend of mine has two tickets to the 2023 Super Bowl, both box seats. He paid $16,350 for each. It comes with a ride to and from the airport, lunch, dinner, and a $500 bar tab. Also included are backstage passes to the winners’ locker room. Last year when he bought them, he didn’t realize it was going to be on the same date as his wedding.
If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It’s at St. Peter’s Church in Tucson at 2 pm. Her name is Amanda, she is 5’ 4”, about 125 pounds.
She is a good cook and loves to hunt and fish.
She will be wearing the white gown.
If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It’s at St. Peter’s Church in Tucson at 2 pm. Her name is Amanda, she is 5’ 4”, about 125 pounds.
She is a good cook and loves to hunt and fish.
She will be wearing the white gown.
fd
jims6t6
Well-Known Member
Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women
And here we go...
#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer Guns over Women.....
#1 - You can buy a silencer.
And here we go...
#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer Guns over Women.....
#1 - You can buy a silencer.
Sacbill
Hard Swinger
What do marathon runners eat for breakfast?
Nothing. They fast.
Nothing. They fast.
janschutz
Corn Hauler
janschutz
Corn Hauler
Aussie67
Well-Known Member
Aussie67
Well-Known Member
fd
fd
.
Sent from my motorola one 5G using Tapatalk
Sent from my motorola one 5G using Tapatalk
2 guys go moose hunting for the 1st time
They stop at a gun shop to get all the gear they will need. The clerk helping them out decided to have a little fun with the newbies.
CLERK: Best way to hunt a moose is in one of these female moose costumes. You both get in it, make a moose mating call, when the male moose shows up just unzip the suit and shoot him. Easy as that.
Guys buy the costume and head out into the woods. After both getting into the same moose costume the guy in back says "OK, now start blowing that mating call thing the guy at the hunting store sold us".
The guy up front blows and blows ... about 5 minutes later they see the largest moose they have ever seen come walking up to them in their moose costume.
Guy in back says "OK, now unzip the suit and lets shoot this thing".
Guy up front says "the zipper is stuck, I can't get it open".
Guy in back asks "So, what the hell are we going to do?"
Guy in front says "I'm going to lean over and start eating some grass but if I were you I'd brace myself".
fd
They stop at a gun shop to get all the gear they will need. The clerk helping them out decided to have a little fun with the newbies.
CLERK: Best way to hunt a moose is in one of these female moose costumes. You both get in it, make a moose mating call, when the male moose shows up just unzip the suit and shoot him. Easy as that.
Guys buy the costume and head out into the woods. After both getting into the same moose costume the guy in back says "OK, now start blowing that mating call thing the guy at the hunting store sold us".
The guy up front blows and blows ... about 5 minutes later they see the largest moose they have ever seen come walking up to them in their moose costume.
Guy in back says "OK, now unzip the suit and lets shoot this thing".
Guy up front says "the zipper is stuck, I can't get it open".
Guy in back asks "So, what the hell are we going to do?"
Guy in front says "I'm going to lean over and start eating some grass but if I were you I'd brace myself".
fd