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Most definitely politically incorrect, racist and offensive jokes

Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, "I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife?" The accountant replies, "Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess I'd rather be the husband." The big guy says, "Okay. Now get over here and suck your wife's dick."
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

A woman walks into the store and purchases the following: 1 small box of detergent
1 Bar of soap
3 individual servings of yogurt
2 oranges
1 stick of women's deodorant.
She then goes to the check out line.

Cashier: Oh, you must be single
Woman: You can tell that by what I bought?
Cashier: No, you're fucking ugly!
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth.

In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.

He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem,
their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..

The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.

When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.

The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said,

'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?'

The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.'
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.

"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our asses just for sucking our thumbs."
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What'll it be?"

Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want to be remembered for bringing peace to the Middle East, instead of that other stuff with Monica, and Jennifer, and the rest of those women. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map of the Middle East and exclaimed, "Jeez, Fella! These people have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. Even though she got elected, they call her a carpetbagger. They think she's mean, ugly, and pushes me around. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and I want everybody to like her. That's what I want."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Lemme see that map again."
 
Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

"Antlerfiend" said:
An Old man and his wife are walking around the fair checking out livestock, when they come across a bull with a sign that says, This bull bred 52 times last year. The old lady says to her husband " You could learn something from that bull. That is once a week." They walk to the next bull and the sign in front of him says. This bull bred 165 times last year. The wife says " You could really learn something from this bull. That is more than three times a week." They come to the last bull and the sign in front of him said. This bull bred 365 times last year. So the wife says " This is the one you need to learn from. That is once a day." The old man then nudges his wife and says. " Go ask him if it was all with the same cow."
Click to expand...
funny shit
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.

Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.

He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.

To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.

The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your Monkey just did?"

"No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table...whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball."

The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the Monkey ate and left.

Two weeks later the guy came back, and had his monkey with him. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar. The Monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and then ate it.

Then the monkey found a peanut, and again stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it.

The bartender asked, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

"No, what?" replied the man.

"Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He will eat anything, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he measures everything first."
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

Whats green and smells like bacon?

Kermit's fingers.
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

Washington Police report finding a man's body in the River, near the Botanical Gardens.
The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified.
The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption.
He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and an 'Obama' T-shirt.
He also had a cucumber in his rectum.



The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.
 
Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

I woke with a start in the middle of the night and heard a strange noise, I looked outside and saw a Muslim with a long beard sneaking through our next door's garden.

Suddenly my neighbor came out and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.

Quick as a flash he dug a grave with the shovel, and concealed the body in minutes . Shocked and astonished I got back into bed.

My wife said, 'is everything alright darling, you're shaking, what is it?’

'You'll never believe what I've just seen' I said,

“That bastard next door has still got my bloody shovel'.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

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Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

I'm honestly convinced some women do not fart.

They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.

fd
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

"FordDude" said:
I'm honestly convinced some women do not fart.

They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.

fd
Click to expand...
Some? How about all of 'em?
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

So true........
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black"' the non-racist version of "Snow White", has been put on hold.

All seven dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Hijack, Liar, Cheater, Poacher and Fraud have refused to sing "Hi Ho" as they say they have no intention of "Going off to work".
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

DON CHERRY, Canadian Hockey Commentator for CBC Television, was asked on a local live radio talk show, what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT:
"If hooking up one rag head terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camel shagger will save just one Canadian or American life, then I have only three things to say:
'Red is positive, black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet."
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

What did the black kid get on his SAT test?


Bar-B-Q sauce
 
Re: Most definately politically incorect, racist and offensive jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
 
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